Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

Author Archives: istheresexaftersixty

• The Ladies Man

  Posted at 9:20 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on July 5, 2018

  The definition of a ladies man according to urbandictionary.com
  “A ladies man is someone who likes girls and has a lot of friends who just so happen to be girls. A ladies man is not a womanizer. A ladies man will be totally honest. A ladies man loves women, but shows them respect and is generally good to them.”

  If you are sixty years of age or over and you are reading this right now it doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman I already know a few things about you. One, you are very careful. If you weren’t careful you wouldn’t have made it to sixty. Two, you are pretty smart. You are smart because you are reading this and how many people even read anymore? When you have survived to sixty you have probably noticed when you or someone close to you has had a close call, you make a note of this fact and tell yourself not to be in that situation in the future. See, you are smart! Third, you are lucky. Think of all of the people in the world through no fault of their own didn’t make it to sixty years on earth. Of all of these three things the one I have taken very seriously is to be VERY CAREFUL. I try to drive the speed limit or I only go five to ten miles over when absolutely necessary. I wear my seat belt at all times and I don’t ever text or talk on the phone while driving. I leave one or two car spaces between my car and the car in front of me. I don’t smoke. I don’t take drugs. I don’t climb mountains or hike alone. Notice how many older women go missing when hiking alone? Okay you get it … I’m a careful person. Being careful has carried on to my romantic life as well. I’m careful with whom I share my feelings. Why are we careful? We are careful so as not to get hurt.

  How careful am I when getting to know a man? Well to give you an example. In the last 8 years I have only given my phone number out to two men who had nothing to do with work or my business. I have only chosen to go on two blind dates in my life set up by two of my best friends. Now, having said all of this you would think that I would be very intelligent about whom I would choose to get to know … you would think so right? So, why do I more often than not, choose a “ladies man”? I have a theory. My dad was a ladies man. I was around him from my birth (he was 30 when I was born) to his death at the age of 94. He was the personification of a ladies man. Women loved him and he loved women. All ages, didn’t matter. My father was charming and cute. Every ladies man is charming and cute. They listen and they make you believe that you are beautiful, smart, interesting and sexy. They are genuinely nice. They always have a large clutch (word for a large group of chickens) around them. Occasionally, these men focus on one particular female; she is usually very sweet looking. They like the girl next-door type. These men don’t go for wild-looking women. They like them too but they prefer sweet. They like an interesting woman that they can’t quite figure out. Catnip to them is if a woman is really, really, hard to get. A ladies man will take his time and wait and wait and prod and plan.

  Picture a fly fisherman, the kind that wear those plastic waders and stand in rivers for hours at a time often not catching a single fish, and the next day they will go back again. When they do catch a fish they hold it, look at it, sometimes take a picture of it and then what do they do? They un-hook the fish and throw it back in the water. Now sometimes there is fish all around them… they love all of the fish, but they have their eye on one special fish. The one that is hard to get. This man will not give up … he will keep on trying.

  Often when he finally catches the one he has been waiting to hook he holds on to it a bit longer and what does he do then? He will unhook it and tosses it back into the water with all the other fish he loves. There is only one exception. Sometimes he catches the fish but she wiggles out of his hands and he can’t hold on to her. This is, of course, the one that holds his interest and his imagination, sometimes for weeks or months and sometimes for years. Not that he ever gives up catching and releasing all the other fish at the same time.

  Okay, I know these men. For some reason I am often the one they chase…girl next-door face, interesting, hard to pin down, shy, and most of all … very hard to get. You would think I would recognize them right away. No, but at least I start to get hints in a few months. These men are always married more than once, they are always charming, they are always cute and they always have smooth voices. They always prefer married women. Why? They tell themselves that is for other reasons however, they like married women because they don’t like being tied down. If you are married you can’t tie them down. You can find them on Facebook because they have 396 woman friends and 4 men friends.

  Occasionally, when they reach 60 or older they find one sort of special one who raises to the top of the list only if she is always someone he can’t quite figure out. She will stay on his mind and often in his life till the end as long as she isn’t jealous. {He likes women and he can’t help it and he won’t change.} . They never fight or argue … they walk away. I never heard my father yell at anyone in my life. My dad was the president of a large company. He never fired anyone … he had other people do it. A ladies man hates fighting and confrontations.

  I forgot to mention three things about these men. They are kind and generous to their family and friends but devoted to their routines and nothing but nothing changes their routines. Not love, not money, not family, nothing. They love sameness, not in women, or in love, but in their life. They have set routines that they stick to and this how it is going to be until they die. My dad was absolutely devoted to his routines. They will be happy to meet you as long as you are within a 50-mile radius of their home. They love their home.

  Are they worth knowing?  These guys are always cheerful, except if you try to change their routine or tie them down. They say sweet things all of the time and constantly tell you how wonderful you are. They have made literally hundreds of women happy. How can you not like them? Now, if you are a very interesting woman and very slippery and if you are very hard to figure out and very hard to get, well, you just might have a relationship, as long as you don’t mind being just a tiny bit more important than that huge group of ladies he will always enjoy entertaining.

  Until Next Week …

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• The Glass Slipper

  Posted at 7:50 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on July 1, 2018

   

  “Women shouldn’t worry about the glass ceiling, they have to worry about the glass slipper.” Quote by the author of this blog. 7/01/18

  My mother always told me that she didn’t believe in horoscopes until I was born, because I was born in the early part of March, which is the sign of Pisces. The picture that represents the sign of Pisces is a picture of two fish swimming in opposite directions.   Pisces are known to be good swimmers and often have problems with their feet. I have broken my foot twice, once playing volleyball as the captain of our team in college and once last year the day I moved into my present apartment when moving my son’s desk, a very heavy piece glass, fell on my foot. I have sprained my ankle, torn my Achilles tendon, and have broken various toes on both feet. Two in the last year. I also spent my childhood barefoot and to this day the moment I walk into my apartment the first thing I do is to remove my feet from their imprisonment, called shoes. Pisces are good swimmers. When I was about four years old my mother took me to swimming lessons I jumped into the pool and the teacher asked to see if I could float. I proceeded to swim the length of the pool underwater touched the rim of the pool and I swam back to the teacher. He told my mother that I didn’t need lessons.

  The other characteristic of a Pisces is that they are dreamers. If we aren’t careful we can dream our lives away. It’s very difficult for a Pisces to face reality. We are tender-hearted, often, too tender hearted.   Being a natural-born dreamer I, of course, spent most of my childhood reading books that would carry me to other places, watched films that carried me away and oh my, when I first cast my eye on Walt Disney’s World. Well, it was love at first sight.

  Fairy tales became my bible. Almost every Halloween I was some sort of princess. I still have a sparkly crown that I wear when asked to a costume party. I also wore a tiara with my veil when I was married. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella were fairytale gods to me. Notice that all three young women were saved by meeting a handsome prince who arrived just in time to save the beautiful young maiden. Snow White was resurrected from the dead with one kiss from her prince. Sleeping Beauty was awakened from 100 years of sleep with one kiss from her prince and as for poor Cinderella, she was saved from the drudge of housework, sweeping up ashes all day and night and working for that nasty stepmother and those creepy step sisters. All these fairy tales revolved around rich, handsome princes who would always arrive at the precise perfect moment to save the beautiful young woman and whisk her away, far away, from their problematic lives to a new life, new land, and after that, THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

  Now, I realize young boys probably grew up fantasizing too, however, their fantasies were superheroes, like Superman or Spiderman, or Cowboys or maybe they saw themselves as suave spies with beautiful women and martinis at their fingertips. Do you see the difference? These fantasies for the boys of our “over-60” generation … were men or rather supermen, who would save the world or saved the cattle and the beautiful girl from the “bad guys” These boys got to be the heroes of their stories.

  I know some of you girls actually met your prince and he worked and slaved and loved you and he carried you away from the old life and he took you to his castle and you have lived happily ever after ever since. I have seen you on Facebook. Now he’s retired and you can travel the world enjoying life as it merrily rolls along.  You are the lucky ones.

  Then there are a lot of the other girls. (I was in this category for a long time.)  Poor girls, they spent a lot of their lives waiting for that prince to come at that precise moment to arrive at the door with that satin pillow and on the pillow will be that glass slipper and it will fit. He will carry you off to that far away land. He will be rich and handsome and you too will live happily ever after. You can’t help it … it’s in your DNA from the 1950’s. This is actually a common problem for women born in the 50’s. Psychiatrists call it “The Cinderella Complex”

  There are also, the very strong and smart girls, who ignored fairy tales and set their eyes on the future. They became doctors and lawyers and started successful businesses. Some of them got married but it was usually by accident or as an afterthought. They invested their money and bought stocks and bonds and filed separate taxes and they knew right away to have separate bank accounts. We salute you for seeing clearly and not ignoring reality.  I don’t know how you did it, so congratulations.

  As for me, I’ve had to shake off that dreamy-eyed girl though the years as reality has snuck up on me and (WHAM, BAM) smacked me on my backside, usually when I have least expected it. Hello reality, there you are again to remind me that you exist. It’s okay, now I can stare right into your face as I work to pay bills, file my separate tax forms and check the balance of my bank accounts. Only took some sixty odd years but I realized the truth. The truth is that, it’s actually me; I’m really the one I’ve been waiting for, all along, all of these years. I am the one who has to rush in and save the day. No longer waiting for that knock on the door with that guy with that satin pillow and that glass slipper. It probably wouldn’t fit anymore, anyway. Now, I buy my own slippers, but they are Easy-Spirit flats with comfort soles.

  Until Next Week…

   

   

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• Where Have I Been All My Life?

  Posted at 8:49 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on June 24, 2018

   

  The whole reason for my writing my weekly blog is because I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I have reached the great age of 60!!!! When did this happen you may ask? Six years ago I turned 60 and I still can’t get it into my head. What in the heck have I been doing for the last 36 years?

  The last thing I can remember was getting married and walking down the aisle. I remember going to the Bahamas for a honeymoon and from there on it is a big, fast, blur.   There was a first apartment in France. I remember decorating it and it was darling. I had to learn French very fast since only one or two people in our town spoke English. We started a business and I designed our products and created the marketing as well as all of the writing materials. We bought our dog, best dog in the world, a German Shepard from Germany and I named him Reagan so that I could have a piece of Americana around me in my very foreign land. The living and the married life and the business life were all one. The worries began and frankly seemed to be unremitting, interminable, persistent, a virtual marathon of worries and problems.   I had to get used to living in a relatively small French city, as a wife, speaking a foreign language 100% of the time… listening carefully while trying to pick out words that I recognized. Getting along with a large group of my husband’s family … not all, but a good amount of the more distant relatives looked on our marriage and me, as an oddity. When we were married, two of my husband’s relatives told my husband that they gave our marriage three years.   My husband’s parents started working in our business helping out which was, of course, very nice of them however, they came to our apartment for a hot lunch… French people … especially older French people, from the country, demand a full hot lunch everyday. I wasn’t used to having to make three hot meals a day for four people. It was expected of a French wife to clean the house and iron everything including the sheets and towels as well as my husband’s underwear and socks. I had never ironed more than one or two pieces of clothes in my life! All this was expected along with working full-time. I do remember that I would go to the library in our town almost every week and I would take out several novels in English. To get away from all of the new problems and issues from my new life I would shut the door of my bedroom and read. I read three to four books a week sometimes even more. Before we moved from our small French city I had read every book in English that the library had housed. My reading material was composed of about three large floor to ceiling metal bookshelves filled to capacity.

  We moved to the South of France and yes, there were happy days. I love Europe. I love France. I love to visit new places and tasting new dishes and learning other cultures. I loved a lot of my life but worry often drowns out the fun times and the happy moments. We spent a lot of our time worrying about shipments and orders and waiting for checks in the mail. It is very hard to concentrate on anything else in life if you are waiting for a check to pay your bills. Days and months and years flash by … I became pregnant with our first child. We decided to move back to the United Sates to be closer to my family

  My husband changed jobs and once again started a new company. For him it was a new land and new business and new child. More moments of fun and happiness always with that nervousness, often financial, which makes it so hard to focus on anything else.

  We moved again to the West of America and moved into my mother’s vacation home. A few years went by and my second son was born. My children grew, life had it’s ups and downs and on and on it goes by so, so fast. Some good years, some bad, the marriage also had its ups and downs. Then one day it seemed to end… I felt it was over completely. We separated and moved back together until last year when I moved out on my own.

  The children have grown to adults. All of that past work and worry. What did it accomplish? I don’t know? Where in the world did I go? What became of me? The girl who loved the theater, the one who forced and pushed her way into many exciting events…. this girl who had been all over the world and met all kinds of exciting people. She was going to go places and really make a mark in this world. Here I am, still can’t believe it … life seems like a dream. I awoke one morning and I was 66 years old. Does anyone else feel like they just woke up out of a dream? Where did all of my life go? In other words, “ Where have I been all my life?”

  Guess what? I still worry. I worry that being the healthy person that the doctors tell me I am, I therefore, might live to be very old. This also means that I have to keep paying the bills and keep working. Such a surprise that I have had to run my own company and at the same time working at a part-time job, at the grand old age of 66! Would I have imagined this as a young woman? NO! I assumed life would be easier and I would be one, of an old married couple, that travels for fun. I’m hoping that this old age thing that I guess I have to embrace isn’t going to be boring. I am still interested in many things and many people. Yes, I still can’t believe that I am over 60. I still love to meet new people and I like learning new things. Surprisingly, I still like the idea of romance and dating and all things that someone who is 66 should have stopped thinking about years ago. My goal for the future is to try to enjoy life, notice the present, forget the past and by all means HAVE SOME FUN! I think it is normal to worry but I will try to push it to the farthest place in the back of my mind, at least for most of each day.

  Until Next Week

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• “Hear Me Roar!”

  Posted at 8:28 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on June 14, 2018

   

  In 1972 Helen Reddy and Ray Burton wrote a song called “I AM Woman (Hear Me Roar)”

  In the last few weeks this song has been going around and around in my brain and it didn’t take a conversation with a psychiatrist to analyze the reason behind this music going around and around in my mind. I can’t afford to talk to one anyway and as one doctor told me they are booked for months in advance. I know why too… they are booked up with women who were born in the late 40’s and 50’s.  In the last several weeks I have seen four doctors.   I have had serious tests and blood tests. All of the tests said the same thing. I am 100% healthy… just can’t sleep and I have red spots that have appeared on my body. All four of my doctors said the same thing, “Are you under any stress?” NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME?   I just stopped and looked at each doctor…. hoping that someone could help. Give me a pill to help or just do something to help me! One very nice doctor listened to me and told me to get a dog. Another doctor told me to see a psychologist. My friend said that I sound “Manic” and told me to take two sleeping pills and go to bed. One doctor told me to exercise and or go for long walks. One doctor shrugged his shoulders and gave me a prescription for a pill that is supposed to relax you.   The last doctor has given me a series of pills that should make the spots disappear. A male friend even suggested that sex would take my mind off of my problems. Heck, he might be right.

  Guess what, no one can really help. It is a matter of having too many problems and too many responsibilities for too long of time.   As a woman who was born in the 1950’s, you do know what we were saddled with don’t you? We are jugglers. We have to keep everyone else happy… safe and comfortable. We are the problem solvers. We don’t have needs… or hopes or wishes. We are the answer. We have to keep busy and happy and cheerful no matter what happens in our own lives. Need help … call mom, feel upset, call mom, and need money call mom. Am I allowed to feel sad or depressed or desperate? NO, we have to stay strong for everyone else’s sake. The “was-band” (my name for my husband since our separation) is having problems.  Is that his problem? NO, I am supposed to be the understanding ex. Which is exactly how I acted. What if I have a request… just one little request, no, it isn’t for me to have a request. I have to be happy no matter what. This isn’t just my problem. Look around you.   So many women of my generation are the providers… not just financial … we are the providers of happiness, comfort and strength for our families and often our friends. We aren’t allowed to collapse. We don’t have the time or money to have a serious,  nervous breakdown. We have to be strong for everyone else.

  So, what do we do? I started with riding my stationary bike and walking on the treadmill. Saw all of my doctors … they agree I’m perfectly healthy. Keep working on my business; keep writing my blog … (BTW thank heaven for this blog) you are the only audience that I can tell my troubles to.   I CAN COMPLAIN TO YOU! Thanks! I am taking all of the pills they gave me. NO, none of these pills are habit-forming… they are mostly for allergies. I started sending out resumes and have had my first interview for another job. YES, in my mid-sixties I will be running a company, writing a blog and working full-time. I am still available for giving advice and sympathy to all of my family and anyone else who may seek me out. Why? I can’t I help it.   Why, do I still juggle? I was born in the 50’s and that is what we do. Right ladies? We remember birthdays, give advice, give love and hugs and put on a brave face in the face of all kinds of issues. It isn’t just me … it is almost every woman I know. So ladies pat yourselves on the back.  Have a big martini… or two, or three.  Just don’t drive.  If you have any extra money, get a massage, call your girlfriend and complain to them.  Remember, if they are your age believe me, they will listen and give you advice.  Why?, because that is what we do.

  “We are strong, we are invincible, we are WOMEN!!!!”

  Until Next Week.

   

   

   

   

   

   

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• Senior Cyberspace Sex

  Posted at 7:25 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on June 7, 2018

   

  It has come to my attention that there is a new phenomenon that is going on in airspace or cyberspace of which I was totally unaware. My friend, who gets out and about throughout the week and seems to always be in the “know” of what is hip or timely fashionable, has informed me, that there is a new trend for seniors. She told me that from desktop, to laptop, to iPods to iPhones, men and women are having complete relationships on-line in cyberspace. In other words they are meeting, texting, emailing, getting to know each other, flirting and yes, even having sex separately (maybe at the same time?) carrying on a relationship, sometimes for months or years which can be on the other side of the country or the other side of the world. People often breakup online without ever meeting in person.

  Now, I was and am, aware of Facebook and I know there are online chats where people get to know each other. We check our Facebook posts often everyday … how can we help but get to know our constant Facebook friends?   Day after day we get to understand each person’s separate personalities. Some FB friends are always worried, some are often angry, some need support, some are funny, some are intellectual, and some friends are artistic. It is always interesting, and, for me, this has become a very enjoyable pastime. For a little while in-between working for my business and handling every day life, I can take a few minutes to check on the news and the people who have become familiar to me. This perhaps gives us sometime to focus on what is happening outside of ourselves. We can easily surmise why friendships happen and how it might turn into more than a casual friendship especially, for seniors who are often retired, and for seniors who are single or childless. This is easy to understand. Personally, I love to joke and I love sarcasm and yes, I love to flirt. It is totally understandable how cyberspace relationships are (forgive the pun) on the rise, in our new and ever-changing modern world. It is normal for people to reach out to others and to try to make a connection with another human being even if this connection is only words on a screen.

  There are a lot of pluses to keeping relationships online and online alone… and never meeting in person for both men and women. One, there isn’t the worry of catching a sexual disease. Two, it is safer for both men and women, as it is less likely to be raped or worse, as long as the relationship just stays on-line and personal information isn’t exchanged.

  For men… in case you find out your on-line love is a clinging vine or that she is the mother of ten and is looking for you to be the new dad for her brood… well, then all you have to do is un-friend her and change your email. Just stop contacting her. This makes perfect sense. Men, you don’t have to take her out for drinks or dinner or take her to the movies. You don’t have to bring her candy or flowers … heck you don’t even have to shave or get a haircut.

  Ladies, you don’t have to get your hair done, buy new outfits, new lingerie, perfume and makeup. Heck, you can stop getting your nails done and forget the bikini wax. I totally get it. This is your modern-day romance. Gosh, you don’t even have to drive your car or take a train or plane to meet. You are travel free. Less expense all the way around and anyway you look at this … it is a romance made in heaven for seniors.

  Okay, I do see all of the benefits for these types of relationships. You don’t have to face the person or in some cases … face the music. It is easy, fast and clean which is very modern. Then again … there is something so nice about meeting someone and looking into their eyes, it is nice to be able to see their expression, smell their perfume, hear their voice without holding a phone. It’s nice to meet someone in person and to feel the spark, to say yes, to drinks or dinner. It’s nice to remember their look or smile and it is even nice to get that kiss goodnight, even if you are over sixty. It can even be fun to get a new outfit and fix your hair and get your nails done in anticipation of an evening out. For men, sometimes it feels good to buy her flowers and candy and to get a hair cut and a shave and to put on a new suit and a clean shirt… Just for her. It can be nice to get the car washed for your date while considering your conversation over dinner. Sometimes the old-fashioned way of meeting and going on from there can be fun. Yes, you are taking a chance. You can be fooled or disappointed or uncomfortable and you can occasionally break your heart. At least you know you are alive and real.

  Of course, having said all of that, I just received an email from a friend I haven’t seen in 14 years. We keep in touch by email. I have two friends that I haven’t seen in person in over 20 years. We call each other often and we write letters and send gifts. What’s the difference? Maybe we all just need to connect and maybe any connection is good and real. What are we anyway but souls floating around in cyberspace… so like they used to say in ads for telephones, … maybe we have to just “Reach out and touch someone.” even if it is on-line.

  Until Next Week…

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• The Best, So Far

  Posted at 5:32 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on May 31, 2018

   

  The other day I had a lovely luncheon with a very good friend. We talked, over frosted Margaritas, about the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of our immediate lives. Thinking back, it was one of the best luncheons I have had in a very long time. This made me reminisce about past moments that were some of the best moments of my life.

  When my husband (since we have been separated  for a while I now call him my was-band or the husband that was) and I were first married we lived in Europe. We had lots of visitors from the states. Three or four different friends on different occasions told us over dinner at one of our many favorite restaurants that, that evening with my husband and myself was the best evening of their lives. At the time I was flattered but later I realized what a great compliment it was to the both of us. “The BEST night of their lives.”   What makes it an even greater compliment was that this same statement came from different people on different visits. One of the visitors was a man that I had dated before I met my husband. He was a very nice man and I liked him a lot. When John (let’s just call him John) found out that I had become engaged he religiously called me once a week. He would call and ask, ”Are you still getting married?” I answered, “Yes, I am still getting married.” He would say, “Okay” and then he would hang up. This happened every week until I finally got married. He was invited to the wedding but he didn’t come. He did send me a nice gift, which I still have 36 years later. After my husband and I had been married about a year John contacted me and asked if he could come for a visit. Of course, I said yes. We had a lovely time. We showed him the town. He stayed in our guest room. On his last night we all went to dinner. During the dinner John announced that it was the best night of his life. We took him to the train the next day and we said our goodbyes. That was the last time I ever saw him. We lost touch however, I heard he has become very successful and I know that now, he is someone’s wonderful husband and I’m sure he is a devoted father to some lucky children. I think John wanted to see if my husband and I were really happy. I was so touched that on our last night … John said that it was the happiest night of his life. What a compliment.

  I have been adding up some of my best moments of my life.

  The Best Romantic Dinner: When my husband and I decided to get engaged my husband lived in the North of France. I flew to France and we drove down to the South of France for our engagement trip. On the way to Monaco (where we met) we stopped in a small village restaurant for a late lunch or rather an early dinner. The proprietor told us that the restaurant was closed for a wedding. We must have looked dejected… because he then waved to his wife to sit us outside at a table under a large tree. His wife and daughters served us the same meal that was prepared for the wedding. It was magnificent. The best fish I have ever had in my life, perfect legumes… salad, fruit, cheese, and Floating Island for desert. We toasted with wine and Champagne. Music from the wedding played in the background. My husband gave me my engagement ring at that very moment.  It was perfection. This was the BEST Romantic Dinner of my life.

  The Best Kiss: My boyfriend (in my 20’s), lived in a city not far from New York. We met in Chicago and he moved to finish his studies in Boston. We decided to meet in New York. Two of my best friends were in New York at the same time. We all met for drinks and dinner. I had just walked to the train station to meet my boyfriend.  He was tall and handsome and I was madly in love. On the walk to dinner under a street lamp on a nondescript street in New York I had, THE BEST kiss of my life.

  Best News: I had been married for six years. They were difficult years as my husband and I were struggling to start a business. I always wanted children but I felt we weren’t prepared financially to have any children. I was 36 and started to worry that I was getting older and might never be able to have a child. Our future seemed to be a bit brighter. I stopped the pill and nothing happened. We were prepared to be a married couple without children. When something seemed different. I took a pregnancy test and that lovely pink strip on the test told us that we were going to be parents. Eight years later we had the best news of our lives again. Two times, two children, which was. The BEST NEWS of my life.

  BEST JOB: I got my first college degree in Europe. When I came home I worked for two different employers. I liked both of my jobs, however, I wanted to strive for my dream job. I went back to college to get a degree in Communications. I wanted to work in the entertainment field. I loved my classes and I got very good grades. One of my professors recommended me for an internship at C.B.S. in Chicago. I applied thinking I didn’t have a chance..  somehow I managed to get the job. Not any job. I got to produce one to three segments every two weeks for a show called “Common Ground”.   Each intern got to think up the segment, contact the guests, write the intros and the questions and we did all of the research. We had to meet with the hosts and we each produced our own segments sitting in the booth with the director.  This was heaven. We had the privilege of meeting some of the most famous people in Chicago and the world. The other interns with whom I worked were marvelous people.   We all had the same sense of humor and we laughed though out each workday. It was THE BEST JOB of my life.

  Okay, that was the past, and the past is over… however, we are still here. We all still have a lot of living to do. The best moments don’t have to end here do they?? I hope not. I hope that there are new vistas to explore. There should be more “Best Moments” ahead of us. What I meant to say is, that those were the best moments … SO FAR.

  Until Next Week…

   

   

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• The Look

  Posted at 9:58 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on May 24, 2018

   

  It came to my attention this week. I haven’t seen it for a long time. This particular “look” has caught me by surprise. I felt a little twinge or maybe it was a ping on my heartstrings. There are all kinds of “LOOKS”. I fortunately or un, have been the receiver of a whole bunch of “Looks”

  ANGRY- There is that angry teacher look. Yes, in elementary school I have been the receiver of the angry teacher look. I also have been the receiver of the “I can’t believe you answered that question and that you are so, so stupid!” LOOK.

  HATE-Then there is the look of pure hate. I’ve been married and separated so I definitely have given and received that look. My children have given me that look on occasion as well, especially when I have said, no, to a fervent request, usually involving my car or money.

  MOTHER-Maybe one of the spookiest looks is the look your mother gives you when she thinks you are doing something in public of which she totally disapproves. That look of “you better stop that and stop that NOW!” look, or else!!!   The wait until we get home!!!! Look. This look, from my mother, would have me worried to the bone. How I hated to have her disapprove of something I did or said. My father was always pretty happy and never really ever gave me a look… only smiles and a pat.

  MURDER-In my twenties I was violently mugged in the garage of my apartment building at 1:30 A.M. after driving my date home…. (My date was a poor medical student and hadn’t purchased a car at this time). This might be the worst look of all… because there was a blank look of murder in the eyes of my mugger.   He tried to strangle me and smashed my head against the brick wall of the garage. I don’t know how I managed it but I refused to let him kill me. I returned the look of a mean, strong, school principal. I actually saw myself as a powerful person… stronger than my mugger. After taking the rings off my hands and money from my wallet, (he held my throat while I was told to take the money from my wallet) surprisingly … he let me go. I was 5’3” tall (then I am now 5’2 1/4″) and I weighed maybe 118 lbs. at the time. He could have killed me… but I think my “look” stopped him.

  LUST-Many times from the age of about fourteen to (believe it or not) a few months ago, I have been the recipient of lecherous looks. Listen, after 60 it is a compliment. There are looks of passion and looks of lust. Yes, I have seen these looks and it is rather easy to see the difference.

  THE BEST LOOK-The look that I saw this week that touched me and made me smile and made me sort of sad at the same time was the look of undeniable, impregnable, substantial, warm, proud, sustainable, and romantic, love. When I saw two people in love getting married and I spotted “that look” in the eyes of both the man and the woman as they said their vows I felt a small ping in my heart. I’ve seen that look. I have seen that look probably three times. This feels so good it takes you out of yourself.   When ‘this look’ goes both ways … well, there isn’t anything like it. You are strong, and proud and feel as if nothing will ever be the same. It changes everything. It is maybe as close to bliss as we can feel in this lifetime. The hard part is if we have to face that we might never be able to see ‘that look’ again.   It is still special if you have felt those eyes on you … it is so hard to put into words… it is a look of love and pride and happiness, and joy all rolled into one glance. It warms you. I have been the recipient of that look so I am grateful that I have both given and received the look of love.

  Of course, often seniors have the joy of both receiving and giving the loving looks that a grandparent treasures. Even pet owners know the undying look of love that dogs, cats and pets both give and receive.

  But me, I won’t forget “that look”. It was wonderful.

  Until, Next Week….

   

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• Cyberspace Friendship for Seniors

  Posted at 4:43 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on May 10, 2018

   

  Here I am in the United States and I am sitting in my office typing this post for my blog.   I will mention my blog on Facebook and anyone who sees my website will be able to view this and read it. Guests from anywhere in the country sitting in their homes or offices or sitting on their beds drinking their coffee or eating an apple … can read what I am writing today. All of this is happening like magic, flying on a carpet to you. Isn’t that truly amazing and thrilling? I think it is.   Websites that express thought to anyone who wants to take a moment to read or reflect on what is being written. Then, if you wish, you may respond back and give me your opinion. I love this part of modern life.

  Facebook

  My youngest son told me about Facebook. I have no recollection of when I signed up. Did he help me? Did I do it myself? Why did I sign up in the first place? My mind is a blank. One thing I remember is I didn’t know what the whole Facebook thing was about. Why would anyone find this interesting? Then I noticed one of my very good friends from elementary school through college and beyond was on Facebook. OK, now it started to be a bit more interesting. Still I hardly ever looked at my account. I just didn’t get it, until … maybe a few years later, when one, by one, friends from my past, sent me friend requests. How much fun is that? Girls, who were giggling with me at sleepovers 55 years ago, are suddenly adults!  The same kids that attended birthday parties and friends who went bowling and ice-skating and yes to dances in your life again.  Boys that you knew from 6 years old to 18 years and some beyond into their 20’s, and now you get to see them as husbands, fathers and YES EVEN GRANDFATHERS and I view photos of their children and grandchildren. Okay, granted I became slowly at this point, slightly hooked on Facebook. It has been a real addition to my week to visit old friends. But wait … later I found out that there are groups you can join… and join them I did. I am in wonderful groups, with lots of darling, interesting, people. I am in movie groups, fan club groups, and Chicago groups… (Love, the Chicago groups … Chicagoans are so much alike … nice, hardworking, food loving, kind, thoughtful, people) One of my very favorite groups is one that focuses on history from the mid-1800’s to the 1920’s.   There are so many lovely, sweet, educated, history lovers. By now you might have guessed that I am sort of in the midst of an addiction to Facebook. I CAN’T HELP IT. IT IS SO INTERESTING!

  New Friends

  While in the midst of my Facebook addiction I have found a new benefit, which is meeting new, lovely, interesting friends.   I get friend requests from women, men, old and young people mostly from the members of the groups that interest me. Here is the real surprise of this Facebook friend thing. I think of these people as real friends. I laugh at their jokes, I celebrate their anniversaries, their new grandchildren, and we all wish each other “Happy Birthday” once a year. We answer each other’s questions and we actually worry about each other if someone becomes ill. I never would have believed that these strangers on a page would become real people to me. There is the man from Chicago that loves boats , and a lovely man also from Chicago that says the nicest things to me that always makes me smile. There is the funny lady who always posts amusing quotes and the lady who posts gorgeous gowns and jewelry. I know one very cute, okay handsome, man from the South who loves to flirt and he always makes me blush. The fascinating, intellectual, man that loves Buenos Aires. I will tell you a secret. I have managed to put my pals in groups in my mind. Some of these friends would be “Martini After Work Friends” Some would be “Luncheon on a Saturday, Friends” Some would be “Let’s go to Afternoon Tea Friends” and some are just “Old Friends That Are Just Like Brother and Sister, Friends”, because we have known each other for so many years. There are the serious left wing political and very caring friends. There are the right wing and often-religious also caring group. There are the Independents, like me, who like some policies of one side and some policies of the other side.

  The Sad Truth

  A few months ago I became friends with a woman on Facebook. She is fun and adventurous. She posted pictures almost everyday. I celebrated with her on her anniversary. She has a wonderful marriage. They are a loving, lovey-dovey married couple. She has great friends and a wonderful family. She reads my blog and she has often commented on it to me. I was so flattered.   I did know that she went into the hospital a short while back. She posted from the hospital and it absolutely did not look serious. She was never serious. Then about two weeks ago I saw a post and actually I couldn’t figure it out? It stated that there was a memorial for her and the post gave directions to the event. I was in denial. I thought it might be a joke or a mistake. I actually asked the question on the post. But no, it was true. I was in shock. It took me awhile to write in her post to say how sorry I was and how I missed her. I realized at that moment that these friends have become real to me.

  Not just words on a page. Real people.

  So thank you Facebook and thank you Facebook Friends. You are now real to me. Last week, I mentioned that we (my Facebook Friends an I) should meet in some desirable city for a meet and greet or a big party. Maybe it is more fun to be anonymous? I’m not sure. I will have to discuss this with my friends on Facebook.

  (BTW my son in college says Facebook is for old people. Thanks, Sweetheart!)

  Until Next Week …  I forgot I will be busy next week. See you the week after.

   

   

   

   

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• The Last Time

  Posted at 12:18 am by istheresexaftersixty, on May 4, 2018

   

  For the last two weeks I have had a terrible time getting to sleep. I have wrestled with some big problems that have to be sorted out and decisions have to be made within a month. No, it isn’t about my health. I am probably one of the healthiest people I know. I am not sure why? I worry constantly, I am very nervous; I haven’t worked out in years… (OK I just started again but just very recently) I love to have cocktails and or wine whenever possible. True, I like healthy food… love vegetables, like yogurt, only like tiny bits of meat. Like a little bit of fruit and I don’t care for soda … only occasionally with a hamburger. I like cream in my coffee, no sugar, and real cream BTW. Only have one piece of bread a day or less usually … and whole wheat with seeds … I don’t eat much … but I am not skinny, just don’t eat very much, and I don’t do this to be healthy. It is just what I like to eat. Oh yes, for snacks I like a small glass of buttermilk or V8 and a cracker or two.   I also allow myself two pieces of candy a day. Now, I don’t smoke anything… and I don’t take drugs… and I haven’t had sex for a long time so that has probably kept me safe in more ways than one. As I said … I don’t live my life this way to be healthy… I just like these things and I guess it somehow keeps me healthy. Now tomorrow, this might all change and I might drop dead of some terrible disease, but for now I will live in happy ignorance of my possible demise. When I do go to a doctor it usually is due to something that has developed from being nervous, being under stress or being clumsy. I regress, back to the huge problem of not being able to sleep.

  Your Mind Wanders

  When you can’t sleep … you know what happens don’t you? Your mind wanders back in time… sometimes forward in time… to issues you have dealt with or may deal with in the future. So, the other night as I lay (Is it lay?? I will look have to look that up…) awake, hour after hour until the sun poked though the blinds in my bedroom, I went back in time. I started thinking about the last time I did certain things.

  One, skiing. I was a decent skier…. I liked to ski in spring when the sun was out and shining hot and I would tie my jacket around my waist and get a suntan while swishing down the mountain. I liked looking at the tan, handsome men of which there are many … especially in Aspen. I stopped skiing in my 30’s. Mostly because the boots always hurt my feet and ankles and I hated to ski during snowstorms… think my toes and fingers froze once in a storm and frankly they still get cold. I still have cold feet. So, when was that last time that I skied down a hill. Did I know it would be the last time?

  Two, diving off of a diving board. I mostly jumped off of diving boards into pools but I used to dive too. I learned how to dive in summer camp. I went to a camp in Michigan and we had to learn how to dive. I was a good swimmer but I couldn’t dive. Well, we had to dive into a lake and there were always fish swimming past when I was supposed to dive. And sometimes really, big fish. What if I dove in and hit a fish? I might kill the fish or knock myself out? Somehow, I stuffed my fear behind my bathing cap and learned how to dive into a lake.   Now, I still swim but I don’t dive. I actually don’t want to dive, however, I do wonder on my last dive into a pool… did I ever imagine it would be the last time?

  Tests, I have studied and studied and studied for school tests since I was, what, maybe, four years old?   I would read and underline, write notes and underline. Talk to myself out loud to remember what I needed to learn. Never liked to take tests but I learned how to dig down and fight sleep and boredom and yes memorize the other useless information to pass and yes, even got good grades with an occasional + from a professor! Now I know I will probably face a driving test in the future and I guess doctor’s medical tests that are also probably inevitable. There was one college test that was my last test. I don’t remember which test it was?

  Life ends things too. My blog has sex in the title so I guess I should add, Sex, Was the last time I had sex. Was that the last time? Did I know it then? Romance, was the last romantic moment … the last romantic moment ever? Yes, it could be … I know you can’t force romance… at least I know I can’t.   Is it possible … I don’t really know?

  This led me to people. I have friends that I knew in college that I adored. We were fast, dear, tremendous friends. I couldn’t imagine not knowing them … however, we lost touch … I don’t know where they are or what they are doing or even if they are still alive? So when we said goodbye here without knowing it, it was really goodbye forever. It was the last time.    Of course, there have been dear friends and dear family…that have passed on and when we said goodbye, it was the last time.

  When It is Over. As the light eventually poked through the blinds I realized that there are things that are over, and over completely, for the last time. The only way to combat this, is to start making some, “first things” to happen again. First, I am writing a blog. First, I am getting some material to write a book. First, I am flirting again at least a little bit … and IN MY 60’S for heaven’s sake! And a really, really, unusual first for me, for the first time in my life in the last four months two different professional women propositioned me. I’m not gay but I do love all of my gay friends, men and women… I’m not interested but heck I was flattered anyway, even if it was the last time.

  Until next week…

   

   

   

   

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• Sixty, Who Me?

  Posted at 5:49 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on April 26, 2018

   

  Here is the scenario. I am in another room. The television news is on because, one, I love the news…. and two, I like to have background noise on these days, since I am usually living alone. It feels kind of friendly to hear background noise. The newsman is announcing a sad story about a 62-year-old woman who drove to a national park to take a short hike. She has been missing for 24 hours. I shake my head and think to myself how terrible for this poor old woman. I wonder why this old woman would go hiking on a Sunday all by herself. She’s old for heavens sake and she should only go hiking with another person in case she has an emergency due to her advanced age. Then, I stop, and think, and all of a sudden it hits me that I am older than this old woman who is lost in a national park!!!! HOW IN THE WORLD DID I GET TO BE OLDER THAN THIS OLD LADY WHO IS MISSING??? Not me? I am still young and vital and I have a son in college and I’m not someone’s grandmother. Ah yes, it still shocks me that somehow I am a senior. Holy Cow!!! I am a frigging senior!!  How did that happen to me??? Where is the girl that flirted with Hugh Hefner? What happened to the woman who went back to college to get her second degree at 28 years old and had to turn down dates with 17 year old freshman boys because they thought I was their age? Where is that woman who would work all day, go home and swim laps … then shower and dress and go out with the girls having martinis and wine and singing and flirting and not getting home until all hours? Then this same woman (me) would wake up in the morning fresh, clear skin, no wrinkles, smiling and off young Sue would go, back to work!! Where is she? What happened to her?? TIME + LIFE + Loss = AGE! I know the math now.

  Life Happens

  Flash, you meet a man and Boom, you get married. You are a young, married couple and you have 60 years ahead of you. Travel, work … Zoom, you have a new baby… work, move, have worries, Zoom baby number two. You’re a mom, volunteer at school, do homework with the kids, pick them up take them to golf, swimming, tennis, on and on school meetings. More worries … Zoom you go back to work. Boom, the kid’s graduate. Separate from your husband, kids growing, you get up at 5:30 A.M. work, shop, cook, clean, walk the dog, do laundry at midnight. You are still working and how did you not notice that you were 57, then, 58, then, 59. Whoa, THEN WITHOUT LOOKING somehow, YOU ARE 60 YEARS OLD!   Now, when you go to pick up a prescription and you tell the girl behind the counter at the drug store your birthday. She doesn’t flinch. She looks at you and she thinks you are absolutely over 60! Why doesn’t she say, “Oh no you can’t be over 60…. you look 20 years younger. There must be a mistake.” NO, she doesn’t say a word. She hands over your medication for that cold that you caught by going to the doctor for your “well check up” and the lady standing next to you while you pay for your doctor visit… coughs in your face.

  Avoid Aging?

  How can we avoid being 60 years old? Well, you can die before you hit that age but I was against that idea right away. You can get plastic surgery… that really seems like a good idea but it is expensive, you need to take time off for that and I really hate pain. If I can avoid pain, I will avoid pain, at least for the moment. You can pretend that you are in your 50’s, except everyone can look up your age these days so that doesn’t work. You can ignore your birthdays however; there is always someone around you that keeps reminding you. Yes, and on Facebook… and I love Facebook, but Facebook reminds everyone that it is your birthday and that you are in your 60’s and getting older by the minute. I even had to take down my pictures of when I was a young woman because young men kept befriending me and asking to meet. I couldn’t keep their hopes up so I told them that I could easily be their mother but that I would be happy to give them motherly advice.

  The Answer

  What have I learned? Well, there isn’t any easy way around it. We have to accept the fact that we are aging. Yes, I am in my 60’s (I am wincing as I write that) and hopefully I will keep growing older if I am lucky enough to keep on living. I have said this before and I will say it again … I hope to make the last third as interesting as the first and second part of life. Let’s push on with enthusiasm. 70’s and 80’s, ready or not, here we come!

  Until Next Week…

   

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