Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

Now, because I have this blog and sex is in the title, I can imagine what you are all thinking after reading the name of this particular post.  It is true that often for men of a certain age sex may be challenging.  It is also true that it may be a challenge for women over 60 as well.

What I am facing today is the fact that maybe my usual spunk and my eternally romantic side may have vanished.  Why?  I just realized that in a little less than two months I will be hitting 70!  I can’t believe it.  I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I reached the age of 60 and now 70 is breathing hot down my almost 70-year-old neck.  I frankly thought by 70 maybe a person would be a great grandmother sitting in a rocker by the window waiting for someone to visit while knitting socks, OR DEAD.  I am not even a grandmother yet.  My youngest son is 25 and neither of my sons is married.

Of course, one never knows but at this point it looks like I might make it to 70 after all. ALIVE!

What do I have to look forward to at this point?  I have to make a dentist appointment to get my teeth cleaned.  What bothers me about that fact?  There is one tooth that doesn’t feel right.  Why am I worried?  It could be expensive.  Those are the kind of things I worry about now.  I used to worry about what outfit to wear to a party or how I would turn down a man that I liked but didn’t really want to date.  I worried about what color eye shadow would highlight my eyes.  What should I bring to the many holiday parties I would attend?  Could I go to two in one day?

70,70,70 how and when did life pass me by?  No, I do not have two-holiday parties to go to on the same day.  I have lived in Denver for four years now and I still only know one person outside of my family.  Who can I blame?  Well, yes, Covid hasn’t helped and before Covid, I had been in a car accident where a truck with a young man who was looking at his phone instead of driving hit my car running a light and came about one foot of probably killing me.  That set me back for a good year or so.  I also worked from home.  Still, things have slowed down almost to a standstill.  I have got to admit that I am now living in the slow lane.  The fast lane has passed me by.

What about sex?  Did I just mention that in less than TWO MONTHS I AM GOING TO HIT 70!!?  It is almost embarrassing to date, anyone.  Who in their right mind wants to date a woman who is 70?  Who do I date?  An older man, HOW MUCH OLDER?  Anyone much older and they will be taking me on a date to visit their spot that they have picked out in the local cemetery.  Has anyone asked you lately if you want to be buried or cremated?  That has happened to me.

I, who snuck into the Paris Hilton with my roommates attending a grand party that we weren’t invited to.  I, the person who was invited to Hugh Heffner’s mansion in Chicago while still in high school.  I, the person who took a ship to Europe all alone to finish my last college years in Paris and London.  I, who dined with a very exclusive group of people at La Reserve in Monaco rubbing elbows with royalty.

Look at me now worried about the dentist.  Life keeps zooming on by. I didn’t even have any plastic surgery yet.  (Which reminds me I have to look into that as an option in the next few months.)

I am going to take a stab at ignoring my age this month.  I will make an appointment to cut my hair and I’m going to have it layered.  I will get a manicure and a pedicure and maybe choose a youthful shade, maybe with some sparkle.  I might dye my hair red?

Yes, Virginia, it is hard to face the ticking clock but face it we must.  Still, it is better than the alternative.  Happy Holidays Everyone and Merry Christmas!  Remember, we are all in this together.  So, cheer up, I might still flirt with someone at the grocery store while buying a bottle of Champagne.  Who knows?  I’m not dead, yet.

Until Next Time ….

     Things change, seasons change, fashion changes tastes change, circumstances change, lifestyles come and go.  People come and go in and out of our lives however, some things don’t change. 

      If I liked you a lot then I probably always will and if I loved you well that is a problem because I probably always will, forever.  I have recognized this as a serious flaw in my personality.  Most people are very good at utilizing the “easy come, easy go” philosophy. Not me, not where love and like are concerned.   Do I grab on to people? No.  Do I hang around when I am not wanted?  No.  Do I try too hard to please?  Yes.  Have I ever followed anyone or driven past their house? (Well, not since high school.  Didn’t everyone do that a few times in high school?) 

    The trouble is.  I don’t stop caring or wondering how people I liked or loved are doing.  If asked I try my darnedest to help if anyone needs help.  Even if I have been dropped like the proverbial hot potato and you need something, I step up. Why?  I don’t know?   In other words, I’m a sop, both noun and verb. 

    I realize there are different kinds of love.  I think I have experienced a few.  The madly, deeply, the type where you can’t get or see or hear or touch enough of the person.  The type where one look and you tingle all over.   There is the deeply in passion kind of thing and there is the deeply in like.  

    It’s not like I don’t go on with my life.  I do and I did and I will keep going but a small part of me still cares.  I still have a “wasband” (my husband that was) we have known each other for 41 years.  Good or bad it doesn’t matter; I still care about him.  He is the father of my children and I know about his youth and his family and frankly what makes him tick.  How can one turn that off?  I can’t.  Are we in love? No but care… yes, I guess care is the right word we are separated but life has thrown us back together as a necessity a few times.    We do occasionally have serious arguments, but there is still a sort of bond, maybe an unexplainable bond. 

    It is difficult for me to ignore love from the past? Sure, it is.  My family, gone some because of distance and some because they have left this world forever. Did I stop loving them? No.  I don’t stop loving family or friends or even pets.  Must we move on, of course but I can’t forget and I miss them, all of them.  

    Does love die?  Real love. I don’t think so.  Crushes fizzle and passions can fizzle but maybe love just doesn’t die.

This is what my epitaph will say. 

(Signed)

Love Always,

Me

Until the Next Time…

 Yesterday I went to my hair salon.  My hair was very long.  I could put it into a long ponytail or a long braid.  I always wore it back in side clips.  I only wore it long and straight in my own apartment in the morning with my coffee and cookie.  As soon as I get dressed, I put it in a braid or ponytail or clips.  Lately looking in the mirror I got that definite sort of witchy feeling.  Therefore, my fragile ego needed a male point of view.  While sipping my morning coffee I asked my son, “Should I cut my hair?  Am I looking slightly witchy? “

“Yes, he answered all to quickly for my now delicate pride.  He continued, Remember, that old lady you talked about in that old movie?  She had long hair and you said that she looked like a witch.”

That did it.  Later that day I called my hair salon and made an appointment.  Today my hair length just touches my shoulders.  The cut is nice and my hair looks good however, I am surprised every time I pass the mirror.  Who is that old lady with the nice hairstyle I think to myself?  Oh God, that’s me.  The trouble is, I need a new face and a new body to go with my hair.  I guess that I was thinking that with a new style there would be a new face.  No, that didn’t happen. 

Lately I have been thinking if and when being old is too old to look a certain way or to do certain things.  One thing that has ALWAYS bothered me is how often strangers and actually family members can talk down to you.  Just because I am over 60 doesn’t mean I am stupid.  Do you realize what someone over 60 has done to live to be this old?  We have lived through wars, and riots, assassinations and tempted assassination of our leaders and public figures.  We have worked and played maybe a lot harder that anyone under 40 could imagine.  We are well educated …. Many of us in colleges and universities and in the very HARD SCHOOL OF LIFE!  So don’t, I repeat, just don’t treat me or any of my friends my age and older, like children.

 I don’t have a rocker, mainly because I have two cats and for sure they will get caught under it.   So far, I don’t have any grandchildren, which means, DON’T EVER CALL ME GRANNY!  Don’t say I’m cute unless I am someone you would want to date.  Don’t say I am nice looking for my age.  How about just attractive? 

Sometimes I really shouldn’t look at human interest stories about seniors.  I saw where a bride wanted to have her grandmother in her wedding.  Therefore, she made her grandmother, (who is in a wheelchair) her flower girl.  People thought that was a darling idea.  I am telling you right now grandchild, (if you ever exist in the future) DON’T EVEN THINK OF MAKING ME YOUR FLOWER GIRL or you just might regret it. What would I throw walking down the aisle?  Don’t ask. 

When is old too old?  I think we can admit it might be uncomfortable starting a ballet career in your late 60’s.  Sure, take classes if you are in great shape, just don’t expect to be starring at the Bolshoi Ballet any time soon.   Now, is 60 too old to have children?  A lot of men are doing that and even older than 60 but chances are they might have a difficult time tossing that football around with their kids in their 80’s? 

Now, as far as love and romance is concerned.  Lots of people are still interested.  Both men and women are getting in trouble with their doctors.  Remember, it is still a good idea to consider protection.  I have men friends and women friends who have recently found love and dare I say it?  Good sex after 60 and 70.  I applaud you all.  I think it is great living life and starting again or all over again.   

It might just be me.  I am a hopeless romantic most of the time but I confess lately I look in the mirror and or my back aches or I just want to stay in bed and read when I think to myself, “Is it over? When is old too old?”

One thing I know for sure.  I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYONE’S FLOWER GIRL!

Until Next time …

This will be my 101^st post for my blog.  Originally, I decided to write 104 posts.  Why 104?  Well, I thought that I was going to write one a week and that would take me to the end of two years.  It didn’t turn out that way.  Life came along and all sorts of distractions added to my procrastination.  Sometimes I write two a month and sometimes I don’t write any at all.  My original idea was to sort them all out and put them into a book with some added material.  I might still do that however; it is a bit more difficult than I imagined it would be.  One, I am not sure how to go about it, although that hasn’t stopped me doing anything in the past.  Two, lately, I have some new ideas and we will see where that takes us.  I think of my followers of my blog as friends or buddies who travel with me down roads, some from my past, some bumpy roads and some shiny new highways that are yet to be explored.

What have I learned?  There is a lot of life to be living right now, after 60, and in the future.  Good News! People over 60 are still having sex! They still flirt, they still think about sex, they still look for it and watch it and want it and hope for it.  So good to know!  Some have found love again.  Some have loved and lost.  One or two have married, a few are just living together … some in sin!  Some people are still happily married to their high school or college sweetheart.  Frankly, there are a lot more of these couples than I would have imagined.  Some people are in marriages and sticking it out even though they aren’t happy or fulfilled.  A few people are married and very unhappy, but they don’t know what else to do.  Surprisingly, I have talked to or interviewed both men and women who haven’t given up and they are keeping open minds and open hearts looking for the “right one”.  Sex is still on the minds of both men and women over sixty.  Somehow that fact is comforting to me. 

Now, what about work?  A lot of people have retired in their 60s and they love retirement.  Most of these seniors have saved enough to be comfortable and comfortable enough to travel.  Happily married couples with good health and money to travel, that sounds good to me!  Some people love to work and still do. I have a good friend who lost her job last year, and it was a really good job.  We both think that she lost her position due to age discrimination.  Why keep a woman in her ‘60s when you can pay someone much less money right out of college?  She was very upset when her company let her go.  I have some good news about my friend.  She had three, yes, THREE offers from other companies who knew of her past work.  She is starting her new high paying position next month. 

We have seen over 60 and over 70-year-old men and women starting new careers and loving them.  I have friends and relatives who have shown their artwork at gallery showings and friends who have written books and published them all by themselves.  There are a few people who have started new, small businesses.  One of my friends retired from an executive position and is now a radio host of several shows on a Classical Music Station.  He is enjoying his life more after 60 and after his retirement.  He is happier now.  How wonderful. 

Of course, like life everything isn’t always rosy.  After 60 we do lose spouses and loved ones and close friends.  There is illness and hardships to be faced.  In my own life I have lost family members, and friends and now I must face the fact of a dear friend who has been diagnosed with dementia.  I knew it was happening.  Sadly, doctors have recently confirmed what I had suspected.  This is one thing I hadn’t planned for in my 60s.  I don’t know why I am surprised?  It happens.  This has hit me hard.  She is a dear, dear friend and we have been friends for 57 years.  We live in different states but our friendship is as strong as ever.  We used to talk on the phone every month or two, as our children have grown up and moved on, we talked more often.  Our conversations moved to once a week.  We talk about our childhood, our old neighborhood, our family members who have passed on.  We have seen each other through some tough times.  Lately she has been calling me every day.  I know why.  I remind her of her past and what is familiar.  We still laugh and some days she is just how she used to be.  I act as if everything is the same and normal even if she forgets from one moment to the next.   I am able to write about her because she doesn’t read this blog.  I am pretty sure she forgets that I even write one.  We are buddies, now we are really just phone buddies.  I will be here and I will answer the phone and I will talk about life and about her past and her childhood as long as it is possible.  We don’t visit because she is afraid of Covid and all the variants that keep popping up.  Dementia is one of the sad realities of aging. 

So, one more thing to face.   I have a favorite phrase and I say it and I write this often, “I will keep on keeping on.”  Tonight, I will finish this and post it and I will put my feet up and sip a nice big glass of wine.  Will I keep writing my blog?   I think so.  I still have a lot to say.

Until the next time …..

There is a lesson that I have leaned after living over sixty years now.  It sounds simple but just because it sounds simple doesn’t mean that it is easy to learn.  Are you ready?  Here it is.  “Easy come, easy go”. 

If something seems too good to be true, it probably means you should step back and take another look before taking action. There are several similar thoughts or idioms, like, “don’t count your chickens before they are hatched” or speaking of chickens, “don’t put all of your eggs in one basket.”  And my very favorite and perhaps now considered sexist but it probably is still true in more ways than one… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”  The point is, think before you act and try not to do anything too foolish too fast, unless you can afford to lose. 

   What brought this to mind you may well ask?  One of my sons is fascinated with the new Crypto phenomenon. Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Dogecoin.

Several months ago, he started reading about the Bitcoin.  Supposedly there was a man who didn’t have any money in his pocket and thinking that his few Bitcoins were really worth nothing he used his Bitcoins to pay for a Pizza.  Those Bitcoins that paid for that pizza would now be worth about $117,000,000 today.

Did I fall for this sales pitch from my son?  In my defense he talked about this thing called Crypto, constantly.   I have to admit it sounded like an interesting idea.  Did I invest a lot of money on one or more of these things?  No, I did not.  I am not a gambler.  I am not a wishful thinker and I do not have money to burn.  Having said all of that did I buy a tiny amount of each of these stupid things?  Yes, I did.  So did my son.   However, when I say a tiny amount, I really mean a tiny amount.  Have you ever bought a lotto ticket?   See, what I mean? Somewhere in the back of your mind you say to yourself.  Maybe.

Was it stupid?  Also, maybe.  One more thing in my defense.  I stopped my nightly wine.  I have saved some money along with my liver.  (I still drink wine just not every night.)  I did pay all of my monthly bills before taking my tiny bit of money to invest in what might be a very dumb idea. 

One thing to remember sometimes it is good to put $3.00 on a lotto ticket, sometimes it is okay to put $100 on a Bitcoin.  Sometimes you have to keep a dream alive.  Take that chance.  Make that move.  Go on that blind date. Invest in yourself and invest in a dream but then you have to also realize that if it doesn’t work out you may lose.  Usually there isn’t a get rich quick scheme that works out well, just ask the people that invested with old Bernie Madoff. 

My mother was a very smart investor.  She was careful with her money and not a big spender.  She lived within her means and when she invested, she diversified and she chose strong secure stocks with dividends that she reinvested.  Every once in a while, she took a chance. 

What a good lesson.  What a good way to live your life.  Maybe I have finally learned that lesson.  If you can’t afford to lose whatever IT, is that you can’t afford to lose, don’t do it, take a deep breath, look carefully, look again.  If it doesn’t matter and you are able to say, “easy come, easy go.” Then do it.  If not, don’t. 

Personally, I am not going to “count my chickens before they are hatched.”  I am not taking a loan out for that Rolls Royce even though I made $50.00 on my investment. 

Until Next Time …. 

Last month I had a birthday ….  AGAIN.  They make a habit of coming around every year and they seem to come around faster and faster.  Has anyone else noticed that fact?  This one was my 69^th.  (Do you count the day you were born as a birth day?)

Nothing, I will say this again for emphasis, NOTHING, is how I expected my life to look like at 69 years old.   First, I’m still alive.  Second, I don’t have a rocking chair. Third, I’m not a grandmother.  Fourth, I don’t really care that I’m not a grandmother.  Fifth, I am still married.  (who would have thought that, not me?)  Sixth, I write a blog with sex in the title! And to top everything off I can’t remember if I ever did “the thing” that everyone my age whispered about doing, when mentioning the number 69 as a teen.  I know that is very embarrassing to mention at this grand old age but I don’t think that I ever, did it?  Unfortunately, my sexual experiences are very limited compared to most people my age.  There are very few men who could tell any dirty stories about me to the tabloids.  Not that any tabloids are asking.  I’m just saying if they did ask, one or two of the guys might not be with us anymore.  My first serious boyfriend was about 17 years older than moi, however, he was a very careful guy and he didn’t smoke so one never knows.  He might still be alive and kicking.  At least I hope so for his sake.

I am now officially old and yes, some days I feel really old and some days I don’t.  I do knit but I knit ugly scarves and ugly blankets and only when I am in the mood.  Usually in fall and winter and usually when I feel guilty binge-watching an English TV series on Prime.   I hardly cook anymore.  My oldest son lives with me and he cooks.  He likes to cook and after cooking for myself and everyone else for a good part of my life I am happy to leave that to my son. He also does the dishes.  I don’t iron anymore either.  Occasionally my “was-band” irons.  He bought the iron and ironing board when he moved in with me a year or so before the pandemic.  I let him move in because I am a saint. He needed a place to stay and then the pandemic hit.  I ask him to iron a shirt or two of mine if he isn’t in a grouchy mood.  He is often grouchy.  Just one of the reasons he is my “was-band” and not my beloved husband.

Did I expect to be living with my 32-year-old son and a “was-band” that I left or at least tried to leave and should have left about five times.  NO, but here I am and they are living with me because as I mentioned before… I am a saint. 

I am also the owner of a business.  I started this business 10 years ago after applying to many, many, jobs.  I was always in the finals for the possible positions.  It goes like this….   I would interview on the phone  and then in person, often two or three interviews in person, then a boss or manager would look at me in my eyes thoughtfully and they always told me that the position offered was between myself and one other person.  Guess what?  The other person was always younger and she always got the job, therefore, I started my own business and as of today it is still in operation.  Smaller after the pandemic but it is still limping along.  Did I expect to be the owner of my own little business for over ten years at the age of 69?  No, I did not.

Now, I am going to discuss sex so if you aren’t old enough or too old to remember what sex is…   then I would advise you to stop reading this blog and turn on TV, either turn to the news or “Blue’s Clues”.

Due to the fact that I write a blog with sex in the title lots of people tell me about their sex lives.  Many are pretty explicit.  Some good stories, some shocking, some sad, some well pretty interesting.  Have I been propositioned?  Actually, all of the time!  Two days ago, to be exact, and it was pretty shocking what he wanted to do.  Online this happens a lot and yes, in person occasionally too.  Must I remind you that I JUST HAD MY 69^TH BIRTHDAY?    Are you shocked?  I am.  Can I imagine that happening to either of my grandmothers??? NO! Can you???

To continue talking about sex well not sex exactly but more about relationships.  The only thing that slightly bothers me is one thing.  I have lots of male friends, new friends, old friends, online friends.  Since I started writing this blog a large number of these male friends were single and in the last few years, they have found their love match and or partners and or new wife.  All but two of these men have found love with women much, much, younger than themselves. I don’t blame them I might like a tall, handsome younger man myself.  Okay, I have had a couple of them ask but they weren’t asking for a relationship they were asking for sex.  Fella’s I am glad you have found love and I know that you should grab love when

 you have a chance.  Still, it bothers me that maybe 69 is too old for a woman to find the right one.  We will see.

Glad I made it to 69.  So far so good.  Yes, a few aches and pains but what the heck, c’est la vie.   The best part of being old and a woman I might add is, menopause. Thank you, mother nature.

Will I keep writing, “Is there sex after 60”?  when I’m 70?  Probably. I wonder what my 70s will bring? Will it be what I expected or not? Money, Fame, Sex, Love?  One can always hope.  Just don’t buy me a rocking chair or I might send you one of my ugly knit scarves.

Until Next Time….

In the last few months my 13-year-old Apple Computer decided that he had had enough of me and he died.  I don’t blame him.  I have been pounding on him day and night and sometimes I threatened to toss him over the balcony.  It is only the third floor but I still think it would have been a disastrous ending.  My Apple I Phone was also making noises as if he were getting a little sick and tired of me too.  Therefore, in the matter of two months-time I had to buy a computer and a phone and I had to figure out how to use them.  I am after all in my 60’s.  Everyone 45 and under can figure out a new computer and a new phone in a matter of minutes, but for me I have to start slowly and slowly ease my way into what I hope will be a long lasting and mutually rewarding relationship. 

I was most unhappy with both of my new products.  Well, I say new but my computer is a new “used” computer.  I decided that I truly didn’t care that it had been USED by others in the past.  I’m opened minded and besides he only had one other owner and he was almost new.  The first owner only had him since October of last year.  With some help from my two sons my HP computer and I are managing … slowly but surely. 

Now, about my new Apple I Phone….  We have been having issues.  The I Phone is new and it seems bigger than my last phone and he is heavier than my last phone and frankly I was afraid I was going to have to offer him to the highest bidder and go back to my previous phone.   Even though the last phone’s batteries were not what they used to be.  Sometimes it’s easier to stay with the old unreliable one.  With my new phone, I had to push and push and slide and slide to change the screen.  I pushed with my index finger.  I push up and swish… up and swish but nothing happened.  PUSH HARDER AND SWISHING HARDER WAS MY STRATEGY.  This didn’t work.  Then one day I lightly touched the left corner of the phone’s screen and lightly swished up from left to right.  And …. Voila! I got rid of the picture and went on to my next email.  My new I Phone and I are getting along beautifully.

It occurred to me that there might be a lesson in this.  I started to think about it more and more.  What made a difference …. from hard or difficult, to easy?  Could it have something to do with “the light touch”?

Last night I heard some bad news and something happened that made me very, very upset.  Nothing that I want to get into … not really terrible just something in my home that threw me into a quiet, silent, rage.  I became more and more upset by the moment and found it very hard to get to sleep.  I even woke up angry in the middle of the night.  Then I thought about my I Phone.  I thought about the light touch.  That light touch made everything disappear.

What is so important?  Really nothing.  Life is important, love is important, art and music and laughter are important.  Caring and kindness is important.  Thoughtfulness is important.  Letting go of anger and sadness and disappointment is important.  In other words.  It is important to focus on “the light touch.” 

When I awoke this morning, it was zero outside and about 63 degrees inside my apartment.  I sat up in bed got up and put a sweater on over my t-shirt.  (I wear large old t-shirts to bed.  They are comfortable.)  I fluffed my pillow and put my comforter around me and read a good book.  My son and my “was-band” knocked on my bedroom door to tell me that it was 63 degrees in the apartment and I had better call maintenance.  I was happy and calm and called maintenance.  At 4 PM my building’s very nice maintenance man arrived, smiling at me, “Hi, Cold enough for you?”, he said.  An hour later our heat was on and I am comfortable. 

What have I learned?  Just think of life, think of everything as not being too important.  I see myself lightly touching the screen and swishing it away.  There, all gone.  It just needs a light touch.

Until the next time …

There is an odd fascination that I have recently acquired.  I have been reading the obituaries from the Aspen Times.  They aren’t in the paper every day.  Aspen is a small but very well known beautiful spot in Colorado.  My parents discovered it in the ’60s.  My father was an avid athlete.  He loved to challenge himself.  As soon as he found a sport that interested him he attacked the sport with great gusto.  I can’t say the rest of the family had the same inclination let’s just say we sort of followed along.  He found handball, played that, then tennis, played that to win, then he added jogging, he did that when people assumed he was running in his underwear, and then last but not by any means least, skiing, when people thought you were talking about waterskiing.   Water skiing was much too easy for my dad he had to ski on snow. He started this when you often had to walk up a hill or mountain to ski down the mountain.

Well, back to my story about obituaries.  

My parents built a house right outside of the main entrance of Aspen.  If you know Aspen you see a church steeple on the right-hand side on a hill driving into Aspen from the airport.  Well if you turn into that road on the right and follow it to the dead end, that is where my parents built their house.  It is gone now but someone else built a home on that spot and his or her new home looks a lot like my parent’s old house.  The trees are still there but taller now.  Aspen has become a pretty famous spot since the late ’60s.  Movie stars, and politicians, and millionaires and now billionaires from all over the world have visited or bought giant homes and ranches in and around the area.  Lots of really interesting people have made Aspen a place to rejuvenate themselves after their lives (that are often filled with business, and politicking, and intrigue, and running giant companies and countries) have tired them out.  They look to the mountains and fresh air for sustenance.  When these titans of industry and such, pass on, they carry their obits in the Aspen Times.  I get the Times on my phone because I have posted ads in The Times usually searching for new employees for my very small business, located in Aspen.

I usually check my phone in the mornings as soon as I can find my glasses to check on the latest news and the latest disasters.  Every few days there is an obituary in the Aspen paper.  I can’t stop myself.  I stop whatever I am doing and I read about someone’s extraordinary life that is now over.   Let me tell you, there are a lot of extraordinary people that have spent some of their extraordinary life in Aspen.  Giant men of business, worldwide travelers, huge men, and women that somehow have lived very BIG IMPORTANT LIVES, sometimes under the radar of the world stage.  I read about their lives fascinated by each and every one of these men and women.  How did they have the strength and fortitude to do what they did to almost move mountains in their short or long lives?  Often you can see if from childhood, working their way up the ladder, going to college and getting degrees, some lots of degrees, going to war, fighting wars and returning to get married, have children, and growing bigger and better and often changing the world.

My father was a bit like this. He was a mover and a shaker.  He had tons of energy, lots of strength, and good looks and he had ideas.  Not just ideas but creative ideas and he didn’t accept or think about failure.  These people aren’t made they are born with this kind of strength to succeed. Some people have it, most don’t. 

When I read about these lives sometimes it makes me feel small.  Sometimes it makes me feel like I haven’t done enough or lived enough.  Sometimes it makes me feel unimportant.

Being just small, little me, made me contemplate what is really important?  I think I know.

I have decided that life is made up of moments.  Just moments.   Some are wonderful, some are bad, and some have been frightening and some heartbreaking.  They are just moments.  But what makes life worth living are the magical moments.  There are a lot of them.

  Very often these moments are just looking at something beautiful.  Sometimes it can be an accomplishment but it can also be a feeling.  A cold glass of Champagne.  A perfect dinner of eggs and truffles with good friends.  A perfect kiss on a street under a streetlamp in New York City.  Looking at your newborn baby boy.  Finding out you are pregnant at the grand old age of 43.  Graduating not once but twice with college degrees when you were told not to apply because there wasn’t a college that would accept you.  BTW all of them did.  Meeting your mother for lunch at the Ritz and sitting right next to a movie star who looked lonely.  Having a glass of bandy with your dad and discussing life and films.  Laughing, belly laughs, with your sisters.  Smelling the ocean and listening to the waves.  Walking your dog in autumn while crunching the dry leaves as you walk.  I could go on and on.

I guess you have figured it out too. These great men and women really had important lives but really if you had a conversation with them after they have left their mortal coil behind, I think they might agree that life is just made up of moments.  What we remember and live for are the magical moments.

This is what I wish for you, more magical moments.

Until the Next Time… 

HELP ME!!!! Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, am I ever tired of being good.  I am sick of being GOOD.  Not just good but, too sickeningly sweet, kind, thoughtful, and nice.  WHY am I like this?  I am bored, of being, me.  How totally wrong is that???  I bore myself being so good.  Why do I care so much about everyone else even when it is to my detriment?  I am not the only one like this.  I know there are women that care too much.  NOT ALL WOMEN but a lot of women and maybe a lot of women who are over sixty.  We care too much about everyone and everything.

 Do you worry about offending everyone and anyone?  I do. I even try to be really nice and understanding to people I don’t like.  I really don’t hate anyone.   There are people I find dull or not interesting, there are even a few people who have been really nasty or mean or thoughtless to me and I still smile and I try to be polite and kind and understanding when we meet.   WHY?  What am I afraid of?  Why do I care if a terrible, stupid, creepy person likes me or not?  Why should I care?  A few times in the last 15 years I have had to work with some really awful, horrible, terrible, people.  Somehow I managed to smile and I tried to rise above the nasty creepiness of the whole situation.  There have been good reasons.  I needed to work and make money so that I could keep my family alive, with a roof over our heads and food on the table.  That makes some sense.

There are a lot of reasons for me to be sick and tired of me.  I have been too nice for too long to people who don’t really deserve my thoughtfulness and kindness.  This has placed me in difficult situations for a long, long, time.  Why don’t I stand up for myself more often?  I don’t know?

For most of my life, I have worried about everyone.  What about me?  When do I count for something?   If I disagree with you so what?  I am always doing my best to make everyone happy.  I try not to upset or disappoint anyone.  Who am I trying to be Mother Theresa?

Somehow I missed the whole WILD REVOLUTION of the ’60s and ’70s, sexual and otherwise.  Everyone else was out having a marvelous time having sex with tons of people and drinking and taking drugs and protesting while I was finishing my term papers and too afraid of what everyone in the world was thinking about me.  “Hello, no one was thinking about you!

I will tell you a little story about an unusual moment that happened to me one morning when I arrived at the dining hall when I was in college.  I had what I guess people have labeled, an out-of-the-body experience.  It should have been a life-changing experience however it didn’t change me.  I had been studying for exams and I had been up maybe all night?  As I picked up my tray and placed a dish or two on the tray I walked over to one of the long tables at the cafeteria and sat down with a group of my friends.  All of a sudden I was sitting on a beam on the top of the hall looking down at myself.  I looked at ME sitting at the table and I was disgusted.  I saw the real me, too afraid, too shy, too worried, too kind, too sweet.  I guess the other side of me, who was sitting on the beam, was looking down at that poor dumb college student below.  The strong version of me was shaking her head at the poor girl sitting at the table.  This all took about 5 seconds and zap I was back in my body.  I know this sounds crazy but it happened.  So one part of me (the strong personality) thinks the good version is ridiculous.  Is that the ego and the id that our friend Sigmund Freud was telling us about so long ago?

This last week has been difficult.  I am a little tired of being good.  Am I going to change? I doubt it.   Or maybe, just maybe, when we very sweet, kind, loving, caring people have had enough, maybe we might be worse than anyone could imagine.  Or not.   We might just keep smiling, not complaining, and worrying about everyone else’s feelings.

If I could go back in time one thing I would do that I didn’t do one cold night when I was in college.  One evening after all of my friends had a spontaneous snowball fight in front of the boy’s dorm, we all broke into the swimming pool next to the gym.  Kids took off most of their clothes and jumped into the pool.  What did I do?  I didn’t take off my clothes and I didn’t jump in.  If I could go back in time, I would jump in, clothes or no clothes.

Until Next Time…

The other morning as I lay in bed staring at the dust that has accumulated on my ceiling fan while avoiding my morning exercises.   Once again I tried to count all of the apartments and houses and condos that I have lived in, in my 68 years.  I believe that I counted 23.  I included 3 single rooms, two different rooms at my dorm at my University in Iowa in my 20’s and a bedsitter in London.  This means that I average about 3 years in each place.   I would say that I am not the forever type of person but I guess that wouldn’t be absolutely true.  I have friends that I have known for 65 years and I have been married (happily and “Un”) to my “was-band” this coming October (If we make it to October) for 38 years.  So I guess a part of me longs for permanence?  These thoughts entered my mind because once again I am faced with the decision to sign a new lease or not?

As we handle the lockdown, a virus that can kill you, killer bees (Whatever happened to the Killer Bees?) and looting and burning and history and literature and films being confiscated or destroyed, I starting contemplating all the places that we all have to live in, day-in-day-out, year-in, and year-out.

Let me delve into a few of these habitats. 

Denial, Oh yes, I have lived in Denial.  It is somewhere between Untrue and Failure to Acknowledge.  Lots and lots of people have lived there.  Occasionally it is a good spot to set up a house.  You see when Facing Truth is the next stop or maybe even Facing Harsh Reality is just around the bend, sometimes denial gives you time to rest and catch your breath before the really difficult road that takes you to Facing the Truth.  Living in Denial may really save you from Facing Harsh Reality.  These places are difficult to live in but eventually, we all have to take that route.  Some people have been known to delay the move with drugs, and alcohol.  This can be a slippery slope.

Where does this take you if you stay in Denial too long?

You can fall or slip into Depression.  This is not a great place to live, although there have been a large group of artists, poets, and authors living there.  Some of these people have been known to “wallow in Depression” Some citizens also live in Sadness and Despair.  They are usually in the same neighborhood because they have so much in common.   However, it isn’t a very good idea to invite these neighbors over for a barbecue or to a New Year’s Eve extravaganza.  None of these people are very good party-goers.  You won’t hear a lot of laughter or Salsa music in the background.  There might be a lot of drinking going on and maybe drugs but not many happy campers.   When you live in Depression it is said that you have to climb out of it to move on to another place.   I haven’t seen too many people that have leaped out of living in Depression but maybe some people have and I just missed it?

I know people who have enjoyed living in “The Past” I have heard that it can be comforting.  I understand that living in The Past is usually where people have been happiest, therefore, they don’t want to leave. I have visited  “The Past” now and then.  Sometimes it has been a nice short visit and I have enjoyed the vacation.  There is one problem with living in The Past and even taking a short vacation in The Past.   I am giving you a warning before you go there too often.  Visiting The Past may lead to living in REGRET.

I have lived with roommates, friends, family, children, a husband (now, “was-band”), and lots of pets but let me tell you one of the hardest things to live with is living with Regret.  It can also be a place that people live in.  You can live with it or you can live in it.  Not a great place to live in because you can’t really do anything about it. Some people try to apologize for their way out of it.  Sometimes that might work.   My personal feeling about living in or with Regret is to see that it exists and keep moving on.  This is a good place to move out of as fast as your little legs will take you.

Some places that are very good to visit are Happiness, Ecstasy, and Bliss.  Happiness is a place that seems to come and go.  Some people stay there longer than others.  I have been there and it is really a lovely spot however, there is even a problem with living in Happiness.   If Happiness is taken away it can lead you to Unhappiness that can also lead to Sadness and Depression.  Yes, there are slippery slopes all over the place.   Ecstasy and Bliss usually can only last for very short visits.  Sometimes the visits are for a few minutes or even a few seconds.  A lot of people who fall in LOVE like to think that they live in Bliss.  They take vacations to Ecstasy.  This is nice but usually, this doesn’t last.  Then you either make the move to Reality or possibly to Contentment.

See I told you that I have lived in a lot of places.  I guess you know by now that you have lived in a lot of places too, even if you have lived in the same house for the last 60 years or so.  Life makes you move from Love to Reality to Denial to Depression to Happiness and to Contentment.  I have lived in them and some I have visited for a short stay.   I think they are all pretty much the roads you have to take if you want to live a full life.  None of them are bad places to live but some of them should only be called home for a short period of time until you can make your next move.  No person is allowed to live in Perfect Happiness forever.  How do you learn?  How do you grow?

I’m going to live in Confusion for a few weeks or months.  I will meet you in Hope.  I like living in Hope.

Until the Next Time…