Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

Why in the world would I have a huge KING SIZE BED?  Have I invited a group of people to sleep with me you may ask?  (No, not lately.)  To be honest I used to sleep with more than one person at a time.  (I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT CAPTURE YOUR INTEREST)   When did I sleep with more than one person?   Well, years ago my “was-band” and I used to sleep together and then my first-born son would climb into bed with us and a few years later my youngest son would climb in-between us as well.  Then we rescued two cats.  Both cats would sleep on my feet.   I had a very difficult time sleeping anyway without fighting off the wild herds of arms and legs and cat fur.  Oh I forgot, also snoring and night terrors and cats meowing in my ear also added to the sleep issue.  Did I mention our first Basset Hound always had to go out in the middle of the night?  So she would jump up on my side of the bed to get my attention.  She knew that the male group on the other side would ignore her or pretend to be asleep, so therefore she would jump up and her paws would reach my face and she would whimper until I would get up and take her out.  All of this happened in what used to be a Queen Size Bed.

Several years ago I bought a darling home in Tucson, Arizona and I decided to decorate it by myself in my own style.  The first thing I bought was the biggest King Size Bed that I could find. Maybe just maybe I would be able to sleep through the night.  I went with my oldest son to check out mattresses.  My oldest son chose a full mattress for his room and we chose a twin for my youngest son’s room.  I tried every mattress in the store to make sure my mattress was the mattress of my dreams.  I spotted one King Size mattress at the far end of the second row that seemed to be calling out to me, “Try me! Try me!”  I sat on the left side of the bed, took off my shoes and spread out, with my arms and legs flinging out in every direction.  It was heaven, not too hard, not too soft, just right.  When I turned my head to the left.  I could see miles of mattress that seemed to go on forever. This was the perfect fit.  My mattress made for me!  I finally would have my own space to fling my arms about while kicking my legs out and about like everyone else in my family.  I bought a beautiful mattress cover with quilting.  The salesman said it was the top of the line.   I invested in two king-size feather pillows.  I bought 300 thread count cotton sheets and a beautiful comforter and a Sunflower Duvet.  I bought four silk throw pillows and a matching dust ruffle.  It was perfection.  At last I will have room to sleep the sleep, of an angel sleeping on a cloud.   Or so I thought…

The first night in my new bed I was sleeping alone.  The cats had decided to sleep in my youngest son’s bedroom.  My husband (who still was my husband at this point, right before becoming my “was-band”) was out of town.  The dog was fast asleep and I was alone in a King Size Bed that was at least a mile wide.  The mattress felt great, the sheets were soft and silky, the comforter was comforting, the pillows were perfection and yet I couldn’t sleep.  I stared at the ceiling for hours.  Finally, at 3 AM I couldn’t try anymore and I marched into the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of my LAST RESORT, Nyquil. 

Here is the unfortunate fact that I learned when I awoke with the sun shining in my eyes in the morning, in my new home, in my new KING SIZE BED.  I was in the very same position that I was in, when I finally fell asleep.  In other words, I had trained my body to sleep on the far right-hand side of the bed.  I sleep two inches from the edge of the bed on my right side with my knees slightly bent.  Occasionally, I will wake up and turn over to my left side in the same position.  I do not move an inch.  Therefore, I use about 1 ½ ft. of my king size bed that literally goes on for miles.   I do not move.  For years I had to sleep one or two inches from the edge of my bed and I couldn’t move without hitting someone in the head or stomach or something worse. (You know what I mean, I had a husband and two boys so one has to be careful of where one might fling an arm or a leg.)

So what is the moral to this particular story?  There is no moral.  I sleep alone (now in an apartment in another city) in my giant king size bed with new sheets, a new comforter, a new duvet, and a new dust ruffle.  About a week ago I asked my two boys to turn my mattress around since I still sleep one inch from the right-hand side of the bed and I don’t move.  I am trying to keep the bed even.  I still have trouble sleeping for a variety of reasons.  Why do I keep this giant king-size bed?  Well, I think that it means that even though I don’t take up much space in my bed I have hope that someday I might decide to be reckless and fling my arms and legs about in carefree abandon. I just might ask someone to join me, who knows, and then we will be able to know if there really IS SUCH A THING AS, SEX AFTER 60?  I’ll keep you informed.

UNTIL NEXT TIME…

Listen to any news station … pick one, I don’t care which one you pick, any one of them will do and all you are going to hear from reports is today’s death count and the virus count.  Then the reporter delights in expounding on the horrifying traits of the Killer Asian Hornets that cut off the heads of sweet little honey bees who are just doing their best to pollinate the world to make pretty flowers, and plentiful fruits and vegetables, while at the same time, providing us with honey to spread on our Sunday morning breakfast biscuits.  The Killer Hornets surround Honey Bea’s hives and kill all of the bees by decapitating them one by one.

 Sidebar* (Does it seem like everything Asian is getting blamed for everything lately?  I love Asian, styles, Asian food, art, and all of the Asian people, maybe not all of the political leaders, but that’s another story.)

Last, but not least …

Then, this same reporter, grins into the camera, while explaining that we are now facing a new killer, namely, killer debt!!!  More businesses are going bankrupt, more businesses closing, more unemployment … “THAN EVER BEFORE IN HISTORY!”, they shout from every channel.  People are depressed doctors’ report, spousal abuse is erupting, and now we have to look up while walking near apartment buildings to make sure that we avoid jumpers.  REALLY, REALLY, DO I HAVE TO KEEP HEARING THIS DAY AND NIGHT SEVEN DAYS A WEEK NONSTOP!!!   Is anyone else sick of these “killer conversations” on the news?

Is there anything that we can think about or talk about to be able to clear our minds off of the deadly pestilence and the imminent destruction of the human race?  Well, there is always food and wine to take your mind off of looming disasters but alas, too much lemon cake and pasta make one gain weight.  So you might look to soothing your psyche with wine, vodka, scotch, or tequila.  Once again, if it tastes great and makes you feel good, it hurts something else.  Liquor has been known to have a very bad effect on your liver.  Personally, I’m afraid of having a serious conversation with my liver.  She might have a lot to complain about.  I once had a very serious conversation with my lungs about 35 years ago and they told me to stop smoking or else!!   I decided that they were on my side so I stopped smoking.  About a year ago my scale had a very sad expression when I stepped on him, so, the two of us have been working on a solution that we can both live with. These days my scale is much happier.  He smiles.

This leads me to my revelation.  If you are still alive and breathing you can think about sex.  This really helps to take your mind off of the terrible news.  If you are having some sex while in hibernation with your loved one, well, good for you!  If not?  Why not start planning for the future?  How about that nice older man who told you a joke while waiting for the elevator, he seemed rather interested, didn’t he?   Well, at least he had a twinkle in his eye and he wasn’t wearing a ring.   Guys, what about that nice neighbor lady that keeps sending you her extra spaghetti sauce, and who has baked your favorite pie and left it at your door?  Well, guys, consider asking her to dinner when the local restaurants finally decide to open their doors allowing you to sit six feet apart.

I have a man friend or two or three that I have known off and on for the last few years.  They all have been very kind and friendly and they have worried about me.  Yes, my business is closed.  Yes, it might be closed for good.  Yes, I was the first to apply for two of the new government loans.  No, they haven’t arrived yet, if ever, and no I haven’t received my stimulus check when everyone else in the country has received their check long ago.  So what have my men friends been doing to cheer me up?  One sends me risqué photos, actually to make me laugh.  One sent me a tantalizing rather a romantic movie, and one of my on-line friends send me an occasionally dirty (but funny) joke.  He also calls me and says things that are funny and he makes me smile and laugh and blush.  I have said it before and I will say it again, sex, romance, flirting, attraction, shouldn’t be over when you are over sixty.  It takes you away from the humdrum daily existence and brightens a bad day.

{Back to the nice man in the elevator.}  I had to leave for an appointment so I didn’t have time to talk but I said, “I have a good joke for you too.”  He answered, “Go ahead, and tell me now.”  I smiled,  “I’m late but I will tell you the next time I see you.”  He stood looking slightly forlorn as I left the building.

Last week, I made my hair naturally very light blonde again, thanks to L’Oreal.  I trimmed my bangs and applied some blush and mascara, sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrists, carefully applied my lipstick, and took the elevator to the lobby to check my mail.  The only person I came in contact with was an 82-year-old woman who was walking her dog.   No, I haven’t seen the nice man again but isn’t it kind of cute that even as a senior I still get dressed up to go to the lobby and that I still care?

 Several weeks ago a man friend messaged me on Facebook lamenting over the fact that we hadn’t met years ago since we have lived in the same cities at the same time but our paths had not crossed.  I answered him with four words. “We aren’t dead yet!”

It’s not over until it’s over.

 I will end with the definition of flirting.

 VERB

“ To behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.”

Now, isn’t that more fun than thinking about death, hornets, and debt?  I think so!

Until Next Time …

Siri says, “Stimulus, an interesting and exciting quality that rouses activity or energy in someone.”

This week I finished my fifth pandemic hand-knitted scarf and I have started my sixth scarf.  This new scarf is a very, very, bright orange color.  My son picked it out for me (I believe) in the hopes that my personality might brighten up a bit while knitting this particular scarf.

Since my life and my personality has never really fit into any normal category, when I heard on the news that people who have been cooped up with a few family members could begin to show signs of cabin fever…. well, let’s just say, I didn’t believe that this particular issue would apply to me.  You see I consider myself to be very “Mother Teresa-ish.”   Maybe even a little sweeter.  Mother Teresa never had a “was-band” and a son and three animals move in with her in a two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment on the 16^th floor of a high-rise in a big city in the middle of a pandemic where she wasn’t allowed to even descend in an elevator to pick up her mail for fear of catching a virus that might finish her life.  I have a round face, with a round turned up nose and round eyes and a sweet smile that has deceived people, and maybe I have even deceived myself into believing that I am actually a kind, sweet-tempered person.  This illusion of my sweet character has melted away faster than the disappearance of money from my dwindling checking account.

This week the other hidden side of my complicated personality has reared it’s ugly head and has come out of hiding.  It’s as if Mary Poppins spun around three times and turned herself into … (dare I say it?) a BITCH!  You know when your family members and your pets seem to scatter searching for a place to hide when you walk into a room that maybe, just maybe, they have stared into the ferocious, savage eyes of Godzilla.

Every single thing and everyone is making me angry.  Not just a little angry… really, really, really, angry.  I hate my apartment, I hate my pets, I hate, my “was-band”  (well, I hate him more than usual) and I even hate my very nice, sweet, helpful, son.  Oh my, and I really, really, really, hate every branch of the government, especially the people holding up the stimulus money for small businesses.

Guess, I have to admit that I have been a tad nasty these days.  Is it my fault?  I don’t think so.  I am going to give you my side of the story.   One month ago people started getting worried about a virus that appeared in China and after infecting lots of unsuspecting lovely people living and working in China the virus started moving across the world and infecting and killing lots and lots of unsuspecting lovely people.  My business relies on vacationers and reservations of vacationers.  In March my business when from 35 or so reservations to 9.  Next, all the reservations were canceled for the next three to four months.  So from having a business to no business, let’s just say it hasn’t been easy.  Next, our state has been closed.  Yep, the whole state and we aren’t allowed to leave our homes or apartments except for emergencies, or grocery shopping or to walk our dogs.  Lastly, seniors over the age of 65 are dropping like flies of this illness therefore; we are supposed to stay indoors until this virus subsides which could be for the foreseeable future!!!

We have been told that each of us  (the population over 18) should be receiving a stimulus check or deposit from our government just for staying at home and vegetating.  This is our gift for sitting at home and not getting the virus or dying.  You see this virus easily spreads to our family or friends and neighbors and GUESS WHO ELSE CAN GET THIS DEADLY VIRUS???   MAYORS, GOVERNORS, SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN AND WOMEN, and all POLITICIANS CAN GET THIS VIRUS AND DIE TOO!!!   Did you ever in your life ever see our government close so fast as soon as it was clear that the men and women running things can die of it too?  WOW, Boom, Closed!!!  Just a few weeks ago senators and mayors were telling us not to worry.  Just go out in the street and bars and enjoy yourselves, they said.  Until they realized that they could catch it and die of it too.

The only problem is… who will pay these politicians’ salaries if we all stay home?  So, now what do they do?  We are supposed to keep washing our hands, not touching anyone or anything and we are supposed to go back out into the world, go to work, and in some cases find new jobs and hopefully not die of this deadly virus.

To Repeat:

“Stimulus, an interesting and exciting quality that rouses activity or energy in someone.”

Where does this leave us?  I don’t know about you but today I am out of stimulus.  I would make myself a martini but I’m out of alcohol too.

Until Next Week…

My mother would often quote my good friend’s grandfather when death would creep into someone’s conversation especially when the conversation was referring to an unexpected death or the death of a young person.  She would say, “Some sooner, all later.”   When someone miraculously escapes from a terrible fire or a horrible accident people will say that they cheated death and when someone has lived through a number of close calls that could have ended tragically we say,” He must have nine lives.”   The truth was and it is still true, you can cheat at cards and you can cheat the government and you can cheat on your spouse and you can cheat on tests and you can cheat your way to the top, however, you can try your very hardest but you can’t cheat death.  A few people actually might have nine lives.  The only problem with that is they don’t make it to ten.   There is no escaping the inevitable.   “Some sooner, all later.”

(KEEP READING IT GETS HAPPIER TOWARDS THE END, AND I MENTION SEX!)

We are all trying to make sense out of something that just doesn’t make sense.  People all over the world have been told to “batten down the hatches.”  Stay inside, don’t go to work, and don’t visit family or friends.  Restaurants and bars are all closed to patrons except a few that are open for take out or delivery.  All businesses are closed with the exception of essential businesses such as banks, drug stores, and grocery stores.  The streets are nearly deserted except for an occasional human walking their dog.  I looked out on my usual busy street from my 16th-floor apartment in the city on a Friday evening.  The street was empty except for a young man on a bicycle riding down the middle centerline of the usually jam-packed lanes.  Why have our Mayors and Governors and our President given us orders to stay inside of our homes?  It is an order to avoid the flu, not just any flu.  This is a flu that is easily transmitted and people are dying like flies.   The old and the previously ill usually are more likely to die from this illness than the younger healthier patients.  Except now we hear there are young people who have died and a few children, there are men in their ’30s and ’40s and 50’s and yes, and a huge amount of seniors have succumbed to this terrible virus.

Why does this sitting in our homes avoiding people and well actually avoiding life, waiting for time to pass seem so odd?  I think it is that we know we are actually sitting in our homes trying to avoid death or at the very least postpone it for as long as possible.  If there is a knock on the door, dare we answer, or will the Grim Reaper be waiting on the other side?

  I am grateful for the fact of death.  YES, I SAID GRATEFUL.   If you are over 60 you have lost people that you knew and loved.  Death takes the pain away.  All doctors and nurses know this secret.  Death can be a good thing.  Do you know almost 100% of doctors surveyed said that they do not want to be resuscitated?   100 %.  Think about that.  Another good thing about death is that EVERYONE HAS TO DO IT!  EVEN HORRIBLE PEOPLE!  NO ONE GETS OUT OF HERE ALIVE.  I think that is sort of comforting.  At least it is to me.

How in the world do we avoid the gloom and doom that surrounds us every day on the news listening to death toll’s surging in our country and around the world?  I know this sounds impossible but I think I know what we have to do.   We have to remember that it has always been with us.  What?  Death, death has always been with us since birth.  There is no escape so really we have to remind ourselves by FORGETTING.  YEP, JUST FORGET IT.  EVERYONE HAS GOT TO DO IT, SO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!!

What have I been doing sitting in my apartment waiting as we all have been waiting for the inevitable???  I AM HAVING FUN!  I am reading and writing.  I am finishing my THIRD, YES, MY THIRD KNITTED PANDEMIC SRARF!!!  Does anyone out there need a scarf, with a few mistakes but they are handmade just the same???  I am listening to music and I dance and sing to the latest Michael Buble.  Frank Sinatra is still singing about flying me to the moon.  Thanks, Frank.  George Shearing is still playing the piano for me and Johnny Mathis is still telling me “What I Did for Love.” I am binge-watching great television series.  I am popping popcorn and I have some wine with my dinner and an occasional martini.   When Fred and Ginger dance before me on my TV screen, it isn’t a silver screen, but it is a nice television screen, I smile and sing and dance with them.

I am talking to my friends on the phone and I text my youngest son with ideas for his future.  Guess what?  I even have had a few erotic conversations!  It is very good for my ego, for my over 60, ego.   I am making plans FOR MY FUTURE TOO, … just in case, the flu doesn’t get me.  In other words, F_  _ K DEATH!   JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE AND ENJOY every day.  GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE.  MAKE SOME ART, MAKE SOME MUSIC, HECK, MAKE SOME FUDGE AND MAKE A MARGARITA!  I have said it before and you DO KNOW WHAT THIS BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT, RIGHT?  SO BY ALL MEANS IF YOU ARE LIVING WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE OR LOVER… BY ALL MEANS, MAKE LOVE!

Try to stay safe, keep dancing and singing and do me a favor by staying alive to read my next post on my blog. 

Until Next Week…

HERE IS MY ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO WHILE WAITING FOR THE FLU:

1. If you haven’t done this yet, do it now. Sign up for Amazon Prime and Netflix.  They have marvelous movies and television shows old and new to watch endlessly.  I have become addicted to a few of these shows.  “Grace and Frankie”, “The Crown”, “The Kolinsky Method” to name but a few.  I suggest you hunker down with some buttered popcorn and binge watch a few of these very well written, beautifully acted, series.

2. If your library is open and if you want to take a chance of possibly running into a human being, then take a walk to your library and maybe take out a book or two and a movie or two.  My movie suggestion for the over 60 crowd, “Something’s Got To Give” and “It’s Complicated” Even if you have seen these in the past they are both worth seeing again.

3. For exercise, while sitting around your home… I have a stationary bike.  I bought it for about $250 several years ago and it sits in my office.  Ride your bike.  The gym is closed in my apartment building, as is the pool, so the bike will have to do.  I have added a few morning light exercises to do in my bedroom in the morning.  For weights, I have two dictionaries.  I hold one in each hand and lift the books.  They make great weights.

4. Bored?  You can always do a nice Spring Clean.  How about looking in your closet?  Can you toss out anything or reorganize your junk drawer?

5. READ!  I have about three shelves of books in my bookcases that I haven’t even read yet.  Get comfy and fluff a few pillows to lean against and start reading.

6. We might be trapped in our homes for possibly weeks or longer.  I bought myself a set of colored pencils and crayons.  I already had the paper.  I am going to create a few masterpieces while whiling away the hours.

7. Since I write a blog I decided to do some more writing.  I have a few ideas for a book and a play.  I decided to take my ideas and put them to paper.  Maybe write yourself a poem?

8. This particular Pandemic has really hit my particular business, therefore I will use my computer to see if our very reliable government will step up and help me with a loan to keep my business afloat.  See if you might qualify for a loan.

9. Stay in touch with your friends and family by phone, email, and Facebook.  It is good to keep in touch even if touching is forbidden.

10. VIRTUAL SEX! Here is the most controversial of all of my recommendations.  WHY NOT?   Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or two or three in this country or somewhere across the ocean that is interested in you?  Well then, how about some erotic conversations?  Frankly, this is the cleanest, safest way to go when adding sex to a relationship.  No pesky sexual diseases to worry about, no viruses to catch.  Heck, this is pretty safe, any way you look at it.  What can make a pandemic fun and interesting?   Sex, of course.  The same thing goes for happily married couples.  If you are both hunkered down in your home and feeling fine, WELL THEN???  How about some over 60 sex?  It sounds like a very good way to go anyway.

Until We Meet Again …  

EPILOGUE

WELL, WELL, WELL, here we all are sitting in our houses, condos, and apartments hiding out and waiting it out before we are allowed to go back and enter the world.  If you are over 60 and reading this blog that means that you are a baby boomer.  Our parents probably fought or worked through or lived through WWII and by now most people from that generation are considered to be “the greatest generation.”  I totally 100% agree with this sentiment.  They were a great generation of men and women, however, let us not diminish the incredible changes, the ups and down’s that our own generation has had to adapt to in our lives so far.  I have another name for our generation.  I call us “The Flexible Generation.”  We have had to become very flexible.   We arrived sometime after WWII.  President Truman dropped not one but two nuclear weapons on Japan to end the war.  Then some of our parents went on to Korea to fight another war.  Some fathers went back to work or started their own businesses.  Most of our dads went to work every day while our mother’s stayed home to raise us and they were called housewives or homemakers.  Our generation took classes in high school to teach us how to cook and sew and make ashtrays so that we would grow into becoming good wives.  Boys often took shop to learn how to make tables and chairs and they learned how to fix a car.   If a woman wanted to work she learned how to type or she became a teacher or a nurse. That was about it.

EVERYTHING CHANGED AND CHANGED AND CHANGED AND CHANGED SOME MORE.   I blushed and was shy to be kissed by a boy in high school.  We went from that to the sexual revolution, sex, drugs, and rock & roll.  We went from watching Lassie to watching man land on the moon.  Some of our heroes were Marin Luther King and President Kennedy and they were assassinated.   Women went from housewives to Women’s Lib.  Now there are more women in law school than men and more women in medical school than men.  Gay men and women went from hiding in the closet to come out of the closet wearing the other gender’s clothes.

And now folks, WE HAVE THE CORONAVIRUS and now WE ARE THE OLD FOLKS THAT CAN CATCH THIS VIRUS AND POSSIBLY DIE FROM IT! 

GUESS WHAT???  WE AREN’T AFRAID!!  Are you kidding?  Just look at what we have been through so far.   Most of us have lost our parents, some of us have lost siblings, partners, husbands, and wives, some of us have lost money, businesses, dear friends, lovers, and some have even lost their children.  Flu, Viruses, Death, Hells Bells, is a mere epidemic going to scare us???  NO!!!!  Some of us have faced death before, some more than once!

What are we going to do about it??  This is what we do.  This is why we made it to being over 60 in the first place.  Most of us are careful, thoughtful and well, pretty smart.  We stocked up on essentials, two weeks worth.  We keep as sanitized as possible and we continue to enjoy life.  WE ARE THE FLEXIBLE GENERATION. 

  As for me, I got my hair cut and my nails done before they closed the salons.  Heck, I know what is really important in life and that is having a cute hairstyle and pretty nails and toes.  If I am going to go to the “great beyond” I am going with a nice cut and “bronze peach” colored nails.  Make sure you have some wine delivered and watch a good movie tonight.

Stay safe, stay calm, stay cheerful and wash your hands!

It has become a habit that I never would have imagined that could happen to me eleven years ago when my son connected me to my very own Facebook page.  For the first few years after entering the cyber world of Facebook, I just didn’t get it.  What was all the fuss about? Every once in awhile I would look in on it to see what all of the hoopla was about.  “Boring”, I thought to myself every time I glanced at my page.  Then slowly it started to happen.

A few friends from my childhood contacted me and asked to be “Friends on Facebook”  

Wow, I really enjoyed catching up with old friends.  I got to see parts of their lives.  It is so incredible to see photos of friends you haven’t seen in 30, 40, and 50 years or more.  One minute you are friends and 14 years old and ZAP, there is a photo of a 66-year-old grandmother with four or five grandkids smiling back at you.  Boys you remember sitting around a small transistor radio at listening to the World Series at recess are grandfathers and often married to their high school sweethearts for the last 40 years or more.

Each person is a story and if you follow him or her on Facebook you can see the whole thing laid out before you.  You get to see the story and skip to the present day.  Now since most of us are from 65 to 75 we get to see all the really important parts and really how everyone has changed or not.  So much fun and so so so interesting.  Lots of us really haven’t changed all that much. The nice guys are still really nice.  Funny friends are still funny.  Some surprises.  Not too many.

I have been able to see what one or two of my youthful crushes look like in there 60’s and I get to see their lives now and I learn what they have accomplished in the last 50 years.  I get to see their wives and their kids and grandkids.  CAN YOU IMAGINE?   It’s a sneaky way of looking into their windows and peeping into their keyholes.  As an avid reader and lover of stories, Facebook is a book and we get to read the past and the present everyday lives of people we knew as children and young adults.  We get to see what is important to them.

Then there is the time thing.  I went to a very big high school in Chicago with thousands of kids.  I walked through the halls of my high school in a kind of daze with my mind on the outside world.  I couldn’t wait to be an adult and out of high school and on to real life.  Now I have become friends with men and women who I must have walked past or sat next to hundreds of times.  I didn’t know them then, however, after becoming friends on FB we are very close friends.  I know their likes and dislikes.  I know lots of their hopes and dreams.  I even know their favorite foods.  On Facebook, I have cyber traveled with them on Safaris and traveled with them to Europe.  They send photos, sometimes every day!

I have new FB friends too, some younger some older.   Cyber-men have flirted and cyber wined and dined me, all in photos, not in person.  I have been offered marriage a few times with more than one person, and more than a few times. I suspect it would be a cyber marriage.  I have been offered lots of cybersex.  Would that make me someone’s senior cyber lover?  Who knows?  I have been offered real romance and a home to move into with several bedrooms and a nice garden.  This didn’t come with marriage just sex I guess.  I didn’t take him up on it.   This same widowed writer wrote two romantic poems for me and one of these poems was published with my name as the inspiration for the poem listed under the title.  This same cyber lover met someone new and he took my name off of the poem.  I think that this is pretty funny, however; at the time I was slightly angry.   I unfriended him.  I have decided that “unfriended” should be a word. BTW that is a very modern thing to do… “TO UNFRIEND SOMEONE”  You can actually cyber erase someone from your life!  (Too bad you can’t do that in real life.)

One of the many really addictive habits I have acquired being a Facebook fanatic has to do with the fabulous Facebook groups. I am a member of two Chicago groups, two movie groups, history groups, art groups, and music groups.  I often spend time escaping into FB groups reading about the past in my Gilded Age Group or discussing the best movie from the 1940s with my TCM group.  If you are a Facebook aficionado you know that Facebook is a perfect way to avoid many disagreeable tasks that must be done, like vacuuming, doing dishes, taxes or any work at all.

While, many people have criticized you, Facebook.   You have added a lot of fun and excitement to this woman’s life.  Thank you for letting me connect with so many old friends.  Thank you for all of my new friends.  How many 68-year-old women are propositioned a few times a month?  It keeps me young.  I still think that I could make someone a super cyber wife.  You don’t have to leave your house or apartment.  Just type me a proposal and push enter.

Until Next Week…

Everyone always tells you … it starts when you are very young.  All adults tell you over and over and again, “You’ll see.  You will blink your eyes and you will be 40.  Then you will blink again and you will be old.”

  As a child or a teen, you just don’t believe it.  Life just drags by waiting and waiting and waiting, until you are out of high school.  Then, at last, you start college and you start to notice, just a little bit, time flies by, as your final paper is due.  Semesters turn into years and you are out of college looking for a job.  You have lots of fun for a few years and then MARRIGE!   After a few years then out pops a CHILD.  How did that happen you wonder?  Just about when you have figured out how that particular blessed event occurred, then what happens?  Out pops another blessed event, ANOTHER CHILD!

 One day you are cleaning the cat’s hairball off of your favorite Oriental rug after taking the dog out for his fourth walk of the day, your two boys are fighting over the remote and the pasta on the stove has boiled over when your mother comes for a visit.  You try to get some sympathy from her by explaining your day.  When you complain about the kids taking up all of your days and nights, your mother says, “Take time to enjoy them now” she announces firmly as she looks around the room, waves her arms and hands in an open gesture, “because soon you will look back and wish they were your little boys again.  You will miss the cat and the dog and these very problems.” As a tired and overworked mother of two boys, pet owner, wife, and working-woman, you shake your head and answer her, “OH NO, I won’t.  I’ll revel in the joy of having a moment to myself.”

Well, just to let you know everyone was right. I was wrong. I blinked my eyes and I was 45 and I blinked again and I was 65 and now, in a few days, I will be 68.  ME, 68 YEARS OLD!  HOW DID IT HAPPEN AND WHAT HAPPENED TO MY YOUTH?

BTW, who are these two men who come to visit me? 

 The one guy has a tattoo and a girlfriend and he just found two cats that he is caring for, feeding, and taking to get checkups at his local vet?  He goes to work every day and he just got a small promotion.  He rents his own apartment.  He has a beard!!!  He looks very familiar.  This young man has an older brother who recently moved into my guest bedroom for a while.  He has a nice personality.  This fellow is tall.  He can reach bowls for me that are stored on the top shelf of my kitchen cabinets.  He takes care of my pets and helps me with my computer and he does most of the cooking. This big guy is on Twitter.  He has 690 followers.  He lets me use his car since mine was totaled last year when a young man (almost his age) ran a light and smashed into my Jeep. The young man that is living with me seems familiar to me too.   Where have I seen these men before?

Oh Yes, I forgot, 32 years have passed.  I blinked.  These two men are my sons.  They are the very same boys that used to fight in the living room over the remote, and fight with me when I tried to help them with their homework.  They don’t fight anymore they watch sport’s channels and go out for fast food.  They kiss me hello and goodbye.  These two men were the two little boys that I once complained to my mother about while wiping my furrowed brow saying, “I just can’t wait until they are men.”  Here it is.  They are men and just the other day I looked at a photo of us together.  (We were on vacation when my children were young.)  The boys were leaning on each other sitting on a bench and I was standing behind them with my arms around both of them.  Then, it hit me.  For a few minutes, I wished that they were young again.  I missed my little boys fighting and yelling and the mixture of fun and worry and constantly picking up toys on the floor and buying school supplies.  I missed all of it.

I heard my mother’s voice again, in my imagination, and I could see her smiling at me, saying, “See, honey, I told you so.”  She was right, of course.  They were all right.  It all goes by so fast and in a blink of an eye however, there are a few things that “they” didn’t mention.

Frankly, I’m also glad that my boys are now grown, men.  I’m glad my son is finding his own way in the world.  My baby is a man and he is holding a job.  He got a promotion.  He is a nice man and he has a very nice girlfriend.  I like her, he likes her and he is happy.  He is a loving, respectful, person.

My oldest son is a kind, thoughtful, caring man, with a good sense of humor and a generous spirit.  He is smart. He helps both of his parents with their businesses.  He fixes our phones and our computer mistakes.  He does my taxes for heaven’s sake!  He runs my errands.  He is an excellent chef and he handles most of the pet issues.  I have two grown sons that are good men and they love each other.

Now, back to my future.  Unless some unforeseen events happen, in the next two weeks, I will be 68 years old.  Then, in the blink of an eye, well, you get the idea, I will either be really, really, old, 90 something, and reciting my new post for my blog in my computer, who will probably be auto-correcting me, or, I will be thinking up new ideas for a blog in that great big unknown. “Beyond the Beyond.”  In the meantime, I am going to go up to every young person I know and say to them, “Just wait, you will see, in the blink of an eye you will be 40 and blink again and you will be 65.”

 It does go by quickly.  Hang on tight because, it’s a very fast ride but it is a fun, interesting, sometimes exciting ride, potholes and all.  

Until Next Week… 

One of my favorite films is “All About Eve” which features an all-star cast.  The best scene is at a cocktail party.  The main character, played by Bette Davis, stands on the steps of a small stairway leading to her sunken living room she makes an announcement to her guests, just after finishing her second martini, “Fasten your seat belts.  It’s going to be a bumpy night.”

Just yesterday on the other side of the world there was a huge plane that upon landing split into several pieces.  The passengers were seen jumping out of many the pieces of the plane that were torn wide open.  So far, miraculously there haven’t been any reported deaths.  A spokesperson from the airline was quoted as saying that the plane had a “rather rough landing” A ROUGH LANDING?  I saw the photos of the plane and it was literally sliced into about six pieces!  Now that is a man who sees an obvious disaster (or close to a disaster) and he sees the disaster as a “rough landing”.  I am assuming that this is exactly why this man was chosen as a spokesperson for this airline.  He sees a bag of soon to be spoiled lemons and he makes a big, beautiful, crystal, pitcher, of lemonade.

 As I write this post it is the second day in a row that I have had back pain.  Not just a little back pain, a back pain that was so bad yesterday that I went to the emergency room at my local hospital.   It is a hospital that at this point knows me well.  I wouldn’t say we are exactly best friends yet, however, when I put my drivers’ license into the machine located near the hospital entrance, the machine welcomed me back and told me to have a seat and to wait for the nurse to arrive to pick me up.

 After many tests and five different kinds of medication, I was released.  My son picked me up due to the fact that I was drugged to the hilt and I returned to my apartment.   I was tired and drugged, however, I still had back pain.  I decided, what the heck, and I took two more Tylenol for good measure.  If they didn’t kill me, at the very least they might help. Thank God, I slept through the night.

 I have had this horrible back pain in the past, for the last five years, about once a year. 

 Doctors haven’t been able to guess why I get this pain or how to relieve the pain.  Here is the very boring part of the post where I am going to explain the pain.  So if you want to skip to the end of this post you may.   You have my permission.  Well, here goes… 

 The pain starts out on the left side of my back in the middle of my back.  It isn’t on a bone, it seems like it is in a muscle, however; when given muscle relaxers I feel weird but I still have the same pain.  When given something for the nerves, I still have pain.  When given painkillers and as you may know, painkillers can kill you, but they don’t kill my pain.  I believe there is a little man somewhere or woman for that matter, who may be pushing pins in a cloth doll that resembles me.  They push one pin in and take it out and wait a few seconds and then they push the pin in again.  It is a type of torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, well, maybe a person or two from my past.  No, I wouldn’t even wish it on them.  I know the doctors or nurses reading this blog (assuming a doctor or nurse or two will be reading this blog) are thinking which test that I could take to finally find the answer to my yearly (usually three day) back pain.  To answer these possible questions, I have had every test in the book.  Everything seems perfect.  

I might have an answer.   You see, this pain takes precedence over all other pain.  In other words, if you are having real physical pain, all other pain or problems are pushed to the side.  Physical pain can’t be ignored therefore; all other problems are forgotten, at least for a little while.  The old scary problems have to take second place.  First things first, take away the back pain first before we can concentrate on how you are going to pay your ever-increasing bills or rent.   When you lie awake night after night wondering how you are going to manage life from now until the end of your life, this can be difficult and painful.  So who pops up?  Good old reliable, horrible, excruciating, back pain, that’s who.

 Maybe the best way to handle our problems, even big problems, is to remember what that spokesperson for the airline said about the plane’s landing.    Maybe the thing that looks and feels like a big crash landing to you is really just a rough landing.  Maybe we can jump down from that open gash in the plane and land on our two feet.  Personally, I have some old lemons in the fridge and I have some sugar in my cupboard.  I think that I might make a big pitcher of lemonade tonight.  This weekend I might add some Vodka to it.

Until Next Week… 

Hi Followers,

I am starting to organize my blog for the future.  I would like to categorize my posts to make it easier to find a post that might interest you.  I am also going to add some new pages that I am not going to publish here.  I hope to make my blog into a book someday in the near future.  I will keep you informed.

The last post I published with the title, “Terra Firma” was posted about a year ago.  While searching through my past published posts it looks as if 6 of my posts were deleted.  I will be posting these again in the next week, however, I will let you know that these posts were published in the past and somehow deleted.

Thank you for following my blog.  Please note, that I am happy to read your comments, ideas, suggestions as well as your own stories about your lives.

In the dictionary, Terra Firma means dry land however, in Latin it means, solid land. 

 In the last week, I had a birthday. I often get a bit nostalgic and well, even more than nostalgic, actually I often feel quite sad lately, for a few days before and after my birthday. Did you ever read or see the play “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder? There is a section of the play where the main character dies.  She is allowed to go back in time to relive one day in her past.  She chooses one of her birthdays.  She sees her mother and father and her friends and relatives talking among themselves and talking about their planned celebration.  Her ghost watches the action that is all in the past. At first, she is thrilled to see and hear the family and friends.  She is fascinated with how young her parents looked at the time.  Soon it becomes too emotional for her and she cries out, for the action to stop.  Looking back can be too sad and too emotional for me and really, maybe, for all of us. 

 I try not to go back in time and I do a pretty good job of it, most of the time.  I try to concentrate on the present and the future. Even when I look back at the past I am usually able to separate the past and my emotions regarding the past, however, for some reason that cool exterior breaks down much like a cookie that crumbles, around my birthday each year.   You see my mother used to make a big deal about our birthdays.  Once, many years ago I heard the writer Calvin Trillion on television and he was talking about his wife’s birthday.  Mr. Trillion said that his wife doesn’t have a birthday. He said that she has a “birth- week”. She celebrates her birthday for an entire week.  Well, that is what I used to have when I was a child.  My mother would have a family birthday, with just my mother and father and sisters.  I would get to choose my favorite dinner and my favorite cake that my mother would make for me.  I got presents from my mom and dad and sisters.  Then we would have an extended family birthday party with my grandparents and aunts and uncles.  More dinner, more cake, and more presents … then last but certainly not least I would have my birthday party with my friends from school.  My father, who was well known in the cake business, would decorate my cake and there was more cake and lunch and presents.  We had great parties!   Now everyone is gone.  My grandparents and all of the aunts and uncles from the Chicago area, and my parents and my youngest sister and some of my friends are gone.  So now it is a bit of a challenge to get through each birthday, but I do, and I am grateful that I am still here, alive and well. 

Lately, I guess due to my “birth- week”, this week somehow makes me reevaluate my past.   I consider what is happening in my present situation and lastly I try to imagine a possible future.  I noticed one very interesting fact.  Recently, I heard a man on television mention how happy he was to be back on terra firma… after a flood in his city. I thought how my terra is, and never has been, very firma, so to speak.  I started counting (no, not calories) but homes and apartments and or condos that I have lived in from 1 year old to my 67 years on earth.  I have moved 24 times.  Chicago 7 moves, (I am also going to count college) 2 different rooms in my college in Iowa, 2 apartments in London and 2 apartments in Paris, 2 places in Europe (when I was first married), 8 homes and apartments in Colorado and 1 home in Arizona.  That makes 24 and counting… 

 So looking back in time, at my life, as a Pisces, born in March, the water sign, of two slippery fish swimming in opposite directions; I can say, with conviction, that I am a very good swimmer.  I can swim, float, I can swim strong and steadily avoiding sharks and danger zones, most of the time.  I have had to tread water, keeping my head above water sometimes for years at a time. I did learn how to dive but I still prefer to jump in, holding my nose, with eyes closed.  Now there have been times when I have had to manage my family and my life on terra (land) and sometimes I have had to avoid avalanches blocking the road and unexpected rock slides, often with one child under each arm pulling a dog and two cats behind me.  The terra is definitely a challenge, moving, moving, moving, on to the future, leaving some things and some people behind.  The secret is to keep going, jumping over the potholes, avoiding earthquakes, skirting around possible erupting volcanoes.  

Was there help out there in the past and in the present?   Golly, yes. Life preservers, floatation devises, canoes, on the water and on land scooters, wagons, roller-skates, motorbikes… all types of transportation that help you glide past lots of problems and pitfalls.  You might ask who (or is it whom?) provides a great deal of this life-saving emergency equipment?   It is, close family members, that help carry the heavy load, and the rest is the helping hands from friends and sometimes even from total strangers.  

There are lots of people who have lived 90% of their lives on terra firma.  I have known some.  I have seen their photos.  I have the greatest respect for people and families that have managed strong lives on very strong stable terra firma.  It would be nice.  There is always the possibility that sometime in the future I might move to that elusive spot somewhere on this planet earth.  Until that time, and on this particular birth-week I would like to thank all of the people who have helped my family and me through the years with that life saving helping hand.  I hope you all know who you are, in the here and now as well as in the far and distant past. I’m still here, thanks again. BTW I had my favorite lemon cake and Champagne on my birthday.   It was a nice birthday after all. 

Until Next Week…