Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

Author Archives: istheresexaftersixty

• Share and Share Alike

  Posted at 3:14 am by istheresexaftersixty, on April 20, 2018

   

  This week, two of my Facebook friends, said that I should write racier posts on my blog and that I should write about dildos and sexual toys. I was told that this would do a lot of good and would be a help to women that might be reading this blog. Well, that may be … however, I am (believe it or not) not an expert on sex toys and or dildos in general. I am aware they exist and I am sure they provide an important function for what may be a large portion of the population. Possibly even more important to my generation of women over 60 and possibly for men over 60 as well, however, I personally am not a fan of artificial stimulation in any form. Even in nail salons … they often have vibrating chairs that vibrate and at the same time they have balls that pulsate up and down one’s back while sitting having a pedicure. I refuse to let a chair to massage my bottom. Sorry, don’t like it at all. I don’t even like to lie back… I like to sit up straight with my glasses poised on my nose while digesting the real important and I am sure the qualified, straight, news from those intellectual magazines such as… Us, People and the National Inquirer. How else would I know what is really going on with Jennifer Aniston and Brad??? Will they ever get back together? Unfortunately, it looks like when it’s over … it really IS over. Ah well.

  Statistics

  While musing over the influence of artificial sex I have learned a few very upsetting facts in my latest research for my possible future book.   Starting out in life … there are 103 boy babies born for every 100-girl babies. An interesting fact, right? Sounds good. As time goes by we lose more boys than girls… For instance, more boys go to the great beyond due to accidental death … and more boys than girls die in car accidents … Of course, for our generation, War has been a terrible fact from WW II to Korea, to Vietnam to the Gulf War and Iraq and Afghanistan. Of course, now women have also been killed in these wars however, not as many as our men and boys. Now we get to the issues of smoking cigarettes and work. As we age starting after 60 years, men start to die off faster than women. Doctors assume this is due to smoking as well as stress from working. This might be changing in the future as women started to smoke (remember, Virginia Slims?) and women are now working at the same stress filled jobs. However, this still hasn’t changed the death rates. As we age woman still survive and outlive men and this fact continues to escalate with each passing year.  So in our 80’s just look at the statistics … No don’t…. it’s too depressing. So how are we newly single women supposed to handle this problem??? The few men that are still with us … usually are happily married or gay. I am sorry but this is true and so many gay men are so handsome and fun and really great guys … but still this doesn’t help the left over women… if one is searching for romance.

  Eureka! The Answer to Sexual Satisfaction For All!

  Never fear!!!! I just might have come up with a marvelous idea for the over 60 plus single women in the U.S. A. We all have to adopt the European lifestyle. Happily married women … do you ever want a vacation from your man? Is he around the house too much? Do you wish he would go back to work and leave you some free time to meet with the girls… and have a girl’s night out, just to get away for a while? Why not give him up for a few days a month? This would be enough for most single women. Heck, I don’t want to live with someone full time anyway. Isn’t this a great idea? You married women can take a short vacation with the girls or go visit the grandchildren. Single women … you get a really nice guy who hasn’t left his wife for a younger woman and he loves his wife and his children. He will be excited to see you every once-in-a-while and he doesn’t have to feel guilty if his wife goes along with the idea? He should have time and money because he is both rich and still working or he has by now hopefully put some money aside. He can buy you single girls a gift or two.   Since you will be a new experience to this married man, who knows? He might not even need to take Viagra. Remember, when we were all kids how parents and teachers told us that we had to be good children and share our things with others who didn’t have the good fortune to have the nicer toys? Well, here is your chance, once again, to do the right thing. You will make a generation of senior women happier and your husbands will probably thank you too. He might even start working out and buying a new suit. He might even spurge and buy you a little trinket at Tiffany’s to ease his conscience.

  Okay, it’s just an idea but I think it has great possibilities. I have done my part. My husband and I are still married we live apart but I have passed him on to the other women of the world. I can honestly say, he’s all yours (smiley face) … been there and done that.   Of course, if this idea would work, the sex toy companies might just go out of business. At any rate, remember the old adage … “Share and share alike” Tee Hee!

  Until Next Week…

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• Happiness Myths

  Posted at 12:20 am by istheresexaftersixty, on April 13, 2018

   

  This week I have been having a hard time trying to stay cheerful. I admit it. I actually get depressed at times. Depressing to even talk about it or to admit it but as a human being, it happens. Are we actually meant to be happy all of the time? My mother always talked about being content…. she always talked about “the riches of contentment.” I never liked her being satisfied with that as her great wish … just content? I wanted to be happy, thrilled with life and excited about the future. I was always searching for bliss! Why set your goal on contentment when you can strive for bliss? How could my mother want to settle?   In my twenties every man I ever knew always said that I used to smile all of the time. In college I know I used to laugh a lot and I really don’t laugh much any more. My grandmother used to say that when you get older you don’t laugh as much but you don’t cry as much either. Not sure that is true …. however, I know I don’t laugh as much. Frankly, I always had a suspicion that people who act perfectly happy all of the time are either pretending or they aren’t very intelligent, or I have seen some very happy people who are only centered directly on themselves and never really consider others. Totally self-centered and maybe a little bit on the stupid side, these people, in my view, are perpetually happy.

  Stupidly Happy

  I casually knew a woman who was always, perfectly happy. She never worried about her children or her husband or her grandchildren. She would visit her children constantly and never seemed to notice their problems. One son had almost died and one family member was very ill, one of her children was getting divorced. She smiled and talked about her clubs, her church, only what she was doing. She never asked anyone a question about himself or herself, ever.   This went on and on. Two of her children died, her husband died and she smiled and kept up inviting herself over to dinner.   Her daughter’s spouse died. She kept on breezing through life.   When she died she even died at a time when it was a hugely inconvenient for everyone.   I believe she never had a day in her life when she was depressed for more than a moment or two. However, did she have a full life? Maybe? Did she have deep feelings? I don’t think so. Did she learn anything in her life? Maybe that isn’t important? I do think she was pretty happy her whole life.

  Envied Their Happiness

  There have been people in my life that I knew slightly and couldn’t help noticing from a slight distance, that I admired and yes, also envied. There was a woman whose son was in my son’s first grade class. We both waited each day for our son’s at the end of the day. She was very pretty, very high cheekbones with long hair and dressed in casual but perfectly chic clothes. She volunteered to accompany my son’s class on a weeklong camping trip.   My husband also volunteered and he told me that every night she had a new gourmet dinner prepared for the group. Her husband was rich and famous. One night we had some good friends who invited my husband and me to a charity dinner in Aspen. It was a grand affair. Each table cost thousands of dollars to reserve. Sitting across from our table was this woman with her children, her in-laws and her rich, famous, husband. At the dinner it was announced that her husband in the name of his wife and family had made a further donation of $100,000 to the charity. I couldn’t help being envious and well slightly jealous of this perfect wife, mother and family. They looked like perfection to me.   You can imagine my surprise when a few months later I heard that this woman had left her husband and her children and moved in with her trainer. The man who had made sure her figure fit into those chic, expensive, clothes. This woman wasn’t the only person I envied.

  There was a woman who was the mother of eight. Her husband was a famous lawyer.   This man adored his wife and children. She was a very pretty and she was a very tiny woman. She didn’t look like the mother of eight children. She volunteered for everything.   Once we were both at a dinner with a large group of people at a friend’s home. After dinner there she was clearing the table and doing the dishes for the hostess. Her husband stood behind her and gave her a big hug. I looked at them as another perfect family. The last time I saw them they were searching for the perfect private high school for their son. I toured the school by myself and decided this school wasn’t right for my son. The school was a boarding school. I didn’t want my son to live away from me.   Whatever this couple did, they did together. I thought this woman had a perfect life as a perfectly happy mother, wife and volunteer. Imagine my surprise when I heard that she left her darling, rich, husband and her eight children to run off with the man who had installed the blinds in her very expensive, large, mansion.

  Depression is Normal

  So maybe perfect happiness doesn’t exist. Maybe all of the people you think are perfectly happy and blissful really aren’t. Maybe it is all an illusion? Maybe we should be content, as my mother would say, with moments of happiness and moments of bliss. Maybe the people who are really perfectly happy all of the time are missing out on real life? I can’t help worrying some of the time and feeling occasionally depressed when life throws you a few problems or a few curve balls. I’m human so I do occasionally feel envy.  There are problems in life this is normal, so deal with the depression. Pour yourself a big glass of wine … order a delivery of Egg Rolls and Egg Foo Yong and get on with life. That’s what I’m going to do.

  Until Next Week…

   

   

   

   

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• Best Friends

  Posted at 9:25 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on April 5, 2018

   

  How great is it to have friends? This is essential to having a full life. I recently received a birthday card from one of my friends that I have known for 60 years. Yes, 60 years! This wasn’t the only birthday card I got from someone I have known for that same amount of time. One thing I know about these ladies is that if I met them for lunch today we would be right back 60 years ago to our old selves laughing and hugging and having great conversations about our lives and life in general. It has been many years since I have seen a lot of my friends but we keep up with birthday and Christmas wishes. When we do talk or see each other it is as if time has stood still and we are once again having a wonderful time and yes, we often giggle. Who knows you as well as a childhood friends, a few family members, maybe, but maybe your friends know you ever better than your family… because, friends choose each other. We have the same interests. We have lived through happy and sometimes sad times. We usually have the same scene of humor. There are times when I will think about our past visits that were more than 35 or 40 years ago, when something happened during these visits that made us laugh. Just thinking about a certain occasion from the past will still make me laugh out loud.

  Distant Friends

  I have a friend who lives far away from me. We have known each other since we were about 11 or 12 years old.   Every once-in-a-while I will get a call from her and we talk for at least an hour or two. We keep up with our lives, our children and our families. It is so wonderful to be able to vent. Yes, we talk about our losses. She still has a parent that is alive. We get to discuss the issue of having a parent who needs her. I get to talk about the pain of losing not one, but, both of my parents and my dear little sister. After each phone call I feel like a large boulder has been lifted from my shoulders. What a joy to have such a dear friend. There is also a friend who lives on the other side of the country. We became friends when our children entered kindergarten together. She calls me regularly to discuss my life and how I am doing. She will not talk about herself. I try, but she just wants to know that I am alive and well and somehow negotiating life, now, as a single woman on my own. She worries if I am able to pay my bills and still keep going. She also, always sends me books and gifts to cheer me up. I have sent her a few gifts too but she gets angry with me for spending any money on her. She is a treasure.

  The Death of a Friend

  The sad part of friendship is when some friends have disappeared due to life changes and of course moves and children and marriage. This happens and I will miss these friends. The very hardest part is the death of a friend. I lost one of my dearest friends twenty-five years ago and frankly I haven’t gotten over it to this day. We met when we were both students at University in London however, I didn’t meet him until we both were on a student group Spring Break trip to the Soviet Union. It was in 1974. He was nearly seven feet tall and he wore a fur coat and boots with a bit of a heel on his boots that made him even taller. To this day he was the funniest person I have ever met. We became acquainted standing in line waiting to see Lenin who was and probably is still to this day, in a coffin under glass in a formal building in Moscow.   The line stretched out for what seemed like several blocks long. As we waited in line my new friend kept me entertained with a constant brilliant conversation that kept me doubled over in what would turn out to be painful laughter. We would laugh so hard and so long that my sides and stomach hurt. I was using laughter muscles that had never been used to this extent before. We laughed through, Moscow, Leningrad, on the train to Kiev and all the way back to London. Our friendship lasted to London and beyond. He went back to the U. S. to finish college in Iowa. I finished college in Europe but we wrote and saw each when I would visit my home in Chicago. After college we kept up and visited often. He eventually moved to Chicago and later we worked together for a few years at the same business. His friendship was steadfast.   He planned a great surprise for me to celebrate my birthday. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going. Told me to get dressed up. He drove a long way outside of Chicago. He knew my favorite singer was Johnny Mathis and there we were in front of a theater with two fabulous seats to a Johnny Mathis concert and later to a dinner at a French restaurant. I introduced my friend to all of my friends and to each boyfriend to get his approval. You might have guessed by now that my beloved friend was gay.   He was tall and handsome and a dear, dear, man. Our friendship lasted through my marriage. I received a letter from him when I lived in Europe and as usual it was hysterically funny. In this letter he told me he had AIDS. At this time AIDS was a death sentence. My husband and I moved back to Chicago and I had my firstborn son. My friend and I would see each other often and when life was hard for both of us we would talk on the phone. He was always funny and in the darkest of times he still made me laugh. I visited him in the hospital many times and I won’t go into how difficult this was. He didn’t even resemble the handsome man I knew. This was still a time when people were deathly afraid of this illness and no one knew how you even acquired this disease. His family was afraid to visit him. Finally his mother came to see him and his two sisters visited him right at the end of his life. He died. I still love him and I still miss him and I still think of him. I can still hear his funny jokes and thinking about our conversations still makes me smile. How lucky I was to have him as a friend.

  To all of my friends past and present, thank you for being my friend and thank you for making life so much better and so much fun.

  Until Next Week…

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• “Regrets, I’ve had a Few”

  Posted at 9:01 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on March 29, 2018

   

  So let’s talk about regrets. Yes, I have had some regrets, however, I am not sure going back in time if I would really change any of my decisions? What I wish I could do is use the television remote control to rewind, stop, change the decision, and then I would push fast forward so that I could see how it would play out. Did I make a mistake? Yes? then rewind again and stick with my original decision.   Here is the thing about me that might give you a shock if you have known me for a long time. If you want to remember me as you once thought of me, now is the time to stop reading this post. Are you still reading this? Well that was the warning. Now you read this at your own risk or possible disgust.

  My Big Regret

  My one big regret I have is that I didn’t have more sex. There I said it. Surprised? I made a list of men that I knew from about 20 years old to about 63 years old that I think would have been interesting to consider with whom I could have had an affair or maybe with whom I would have liked to have only a short one or two day fling. In my life I have gone to four different colleges. I have traveled a lot and met a lot of people.   I have lived in many states and in several cities and countries therefore I met a lot of very exciting, intelligent men. I actually made a list. There were 13 men that I met that I think I should have considered as possible lovers. What did they have in common? Most of them were all tall and handsome and clever which means they were also smart, although perhaps height didn’t matter because I did like a few men who were short in stature but definitely on the list. All of these men showed a great deal of interest in me… by asking me out and buying me gifts, flirting, asking about me constantly to my friends and or about me to my family. They were all really smart men, mostly very successful or on the verge of success. A few of these men were very wealthy, some famous, but all of them were wonderfully interesting, smart, and clever and most of them seemed like they “got me”. They got my humor and I think, let’s say, 90% of them liked me for me… yes they really seemed very interested in me. We got along and we had very interesting conversations. They all must have really cared for me because a lot of these men stayed in touch with me for years.

  Here is a Sample

  A very wealthy businessman invited me to a huge party in a small village. I was the guest of honor. His mother and sisters were there as were most of the villagers from the surrounding villages. Most everyone in the area worked for him in one aspect or another. When we drove though the surrounding villages town’s people curtsied and bowed as his car drove by. I was taken to one of his businesses, which was modern and beautiful.   He even had playrooms with nannies for women who worked for him and wanted to be close to their children while working. He took me to his farm and I noticed that there weren’t any animals around except for his horses. I asked him where the animals were. He told me they were to be served at the giant party for me. I know, I know, that bothered me too but underneath the fact I couldn’t help to be slightly impressed??? I just couldn’t help it. The party was incredible, I was introduced to everyone and everyone stood and applauded. I was in the middle of a huge long table. The band played American music for me. I danced and laughed and was toasted throughout the meal. Many people were introduced to me, as were his mother and sisters. At the end of the night this gentleman toasted me with Champagne and two men brought out a huge cake with my name and picture on the giant cake. That night I stayed in one of his houses on the farm. At this time I was studying in Paris. He flew to Paris a few times to see me and one night he invited me to an art showing.   The artist was a sculptress. He asked me which sculpture I liked the best … I told him that I thought two of the sculptures were very lovely. Well, of course later that night he told me he bought both of them for me. This was just one of the thirteen. NOW DO YOU SEE HOW STUPID I WAS???   I actually have a few stories like this one to tell but I might get too depressed if I write about them. Let’s just say I was often in magical situations.

  The sad thing is what harm would it have done? I’m not sure? They were all really fabulous men. They were all very special. Would I have had a longer, happier life with one of them? I don’t know? Somehow I wish I had tried a little harder to see another side to my life than the perfect daughter, wife and mother.

  The Other Regret

  The other regret is a simple one. I had a chance to really have what I believe would have been a pretty important career in television. I had offers to make three documentaries for an important television station but I would have had to find half of the money myself as the executive producer of the documentaries. I asked my parents for the money but they really didn’t take my career seriously. I had the money in savings but I didn’t use my own money to back myself. I really regret not believing in myself enough to use my own money to continue my business. The president of one of the largest cable companies contacted me the same day he received five of my television treatments that my business partner and I had written and sent to him.   I was getting a name for myself in television in Chicago but I met the man that I would marry and I think although I did love my future husband, I might have taken the easy way out. I married him and moved to France. Marriage was an experience and yes, I am glad that I had the experience … yes, having my two boys was a miracle and I know how wonderful it is to be their mother.  Life and marriage was much harder than I had imagined it would be but maybe I had to learn how to face hardships and keep going.

  I Still Wonder

  Still I can’t help wondering what it would have been like if I had made different choices. I was so lucky to have a mother that I could talk to about everything. I talked to her about my life and my loves. She said that maybe I would not have become the woman that I turned into if I would have made different choices. Mom, maybe you were right.

  Until next week…

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• A Nurse or a Purse?

  Posted at 8:48 pm by istheresexaftersixty, on March 22, 2018

   

  One of my good friends suggested that I write about what men want after the age of sixty. She told me that on her authority (after having dated quite a few men in the last few years) those men over sixty are looking for either a nurse or a purse. In other words, men want a woman to either take care of them or to pay for everything or both. My friend is very pretty and single and men over sixty often ask her out. She has told me that it is difficult to find a man who is interested in her as a partner instead of a nurse or a purse. She would like to be married and frankly she was at one time looking more for companionship than having to be madly in love with her partner.   I do not agree with marrying for companionship only because frankly marriage isn’t easy. I think if you don’t start with real love, devotion and passion it is hard to get over the rough spots, but what do I know? I have only been married for 35 years and basically it was over after 20 years. I am frankly interested in what men really want life to look like from 60 and beyond or until they reach that great new adventure called the hereafter.

  Asked Questions

  So, I started asking questions to men and to the women in their lives. I wanted to know the hopes and dreams of men over sixty. What do they want to accomplish in the future? What do they regret about the past? Sex, and women or relationships are these things important to them?? Well, lots of men avoided answering me as if they were avoiding the plague. I am inferring from this avoidance, that most men either don’t like talking about these subjects or they want to avoid thinking about the future, period. I think maybe they want to avoid all of the questions. Perhaps this is too uncomfortable a subject for men to discuss with a female. Personally, I, like most women, enjoy talking about my feelings and the future and my likes and dislikes ad infinitum. Women like to go into great detail about our past and our regrets. Even in our 60’s if some man flirts with us we report this to our friends in great detail and we pull apart every tiny aspect of the conversation…. even if it only lasted a minute or two.

  Men Are Different

  Okay, men are different. I get it. They aren’t thrilled to talk about their feelings, their hopes and dreams. They don’t like to talk about their relationships. They don’t like dwelling on the future. I finally understand this fact. Hopefully, in the future, with persistence, I will be able to drag the truth out of them.

  Learned So Far

  This is what I have learned so far from the small sample of men that I have recently questioned. Most men have very simple wishes. A lot of their wishes are just a matter of doing something… making that phone call or planning that trip. Most men are happy with their life as it is right now with the addition of maybe a lady to ask out to dinner occasionally … sex? maybe, but (and this surprised me) sex doesn’t seem to be a priority. A few men regretted not marrying and not having children.   A few men would like to marry to have someone with whom to comfortably spend the rest of their lives and to be able to travel with as a companion.   A lot of men that have been married for over 30 years seem very happy with their marriages and their lives. These happily married men just want their lives to continue without much change. One man told me that he enjoys sex a time or two a month and hopes for that to continue into the future.

  What Their Women Said

  Then I asked women about their men. Once again a lot of women are happy with the status quo, especially, if they have been married for a long time. A few women are frustrated with the lack of help with everyday household chores… one wife said that her man is downright lazy. I do think a lot of men are blind to the work that we wives do to keep their homes and lives running like clockwork. It is because we have often taken care of our homes, our husbands, our children, our pets and we have often worked part-time or fulltime jobs while juggling all of these things in the air at the same time. A few wives have told me about the sad, but loving burden, of taking care of husbands that have been very ill for a very long time. This has come up a few times since I started this blog. In cases like this there is only today and getting through the day, to get to, tomorrow. A few women were not happy with their sex lives but this was, once again, usually due to illness.

  The Answer?

  Now to get back to the “nurse or the purse”, I really didn’t find that the men that I questioned were looking for either a nurse or a woman with money. Most men seem to want a companion more than a nurse or a purse.  Maybe, as usual, in my  life, I have been very lucky to know just a nice group of men.

  Until next week…

   

   

   

   

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• The Practice

  Posted at 12:20 am by istheresexaftersixty, on March 16, 2018

   

  In April or May I need to make an appointment with my doctor for a “Wellness Checkup” I have to get a wellness checkup because (knock wood) I am pretty healthy every year, with thankfully small everyday complaints every once-in-a-while. My doctor is in another city about three hours from where I live now. I refuse to get another doctor if I can avoid it because my doctor is nearly perfect. Recently, I read in the newsletter from his practice that he is not retiring as yet but he is limiting his days to three days a week. His practice that he started many years ago is in a large building and now houses lots of new equipment and other doctor’s and nurses. However, when he leaves, I leave. I just better never ever get sick again. I have been very lucky in my life that I have had two wonderful doctors as a child, two terrific doctors when I had my two boys, three great orthopedic doctors and two GP’s as an adult. Since I moved to the big city I have had two issues that arrived and made it necessary for me to visit a doctor but since I live so far from my preferred doctor I had to visit a nearby emergency clinic. Both visits I had two different women doctors. One was so concerned about my infected thumb that she made me incredibly nervous. The second time I needed to visit was for my “soar throat from Hell” and the second female doctor whisked me in and out and had no interest in my pain or feelings at all.

  Now let me tell you why I like my doctor from my old neighborhood.

  He listens to you. Let me say that again. He actually listens to you and he lets you talk. He asks questions and he listens again. He gives you his time without making you feel boring or unimportant. He has actually asked me about my life to see if that could be an issue to any of my problems.   After he has listened and checked vital signs he will give you an opinion and a plan to make the illness or problem go away. I have actually received follow up letters and phone calls from him and or from his office staff to see if his plan has worked or not. If not, he has written me, to let him know and we will try a new plan.

  Made me think about calling his job and position “A Practice” We say that a doctor practices medicine. A doctor doesn’t advertise, “ We guarantee you will be 100 % after your appointment.” There is no new battery added with a five-year warranty… like the one I recently added to my car. My mechanic told me, “You have a problem with this battery lady… I will fix it, no charge, guaranteed”. Doctor’s call it a practice because they are always learning and trying out new ideas and new medications and trying out new recommendations. They keep reading and trying new techniques.

  It is an ongoing learning experience. You see maybe that is what we are all doing in this life anyway. We talk and think and we try to come up with a plan to navigate through the problems and the worries and the issues that arise. When it doesn’t work we have to come up with another plan.

  Life Plans, Prescriptions, Medications:

  Raised children … worked out pretty well so far. Keep up the good work.

  Marriage well, tried and tried again… didn’t work, still friends. Work on a new plan.

  Work, sometimes fun, some work experiences wonderful. (Keep it up)   Some work situations … horrible … quit, try again.

  Aging, some things are great., some things need to change … form a new plan. Add volunteering. Add some regular exercise. Add new friends and experiences.

  Life, add taking a chance every now and then.

  Depression, add more sleep, add a creative outlet or two.

  Slight depression, add a nice strong Martini and or a large glass of wine or two.

  Not working? Add a bowl of pasta and a hot chocolate chip cookie.

  Boredom – Call a best friend and go to lunch. Get a pet.

  Feeling icky- get nails done, dye your hair, buy a new pair of shoes.

  In a Rut- plan a vacation, now.

  Keep this up until you reach 90, then, make a new plan.

  Until Next Week…

   

   

   

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• Didn’t Know

  Posted at 11:17 am by istheresexaftersixty, on March 8, 2018

   

  When I was in my twenties I thought that it would be wonderful to be 48 years old. I’m not sure why I chose that particular age? For some reason I thought when you reached 48 everything in life would be arranged and settled. I somehow thought that the hard part would be over and I would know all of life’s answers and the rest of my life would cruise along without too many worries or cares. I thought my children would be grown and on their way to happy nearly stress less lives. My marriage would be humming along. We would have a lovely home two nice cars. We would be a “We” and we (my husband and I) would travel. My husband would be successful and moving up the ladder to the top of his profession. In other words life would be humming along and pretty calm and easy until the end. I honestly thought the busy and maybe hard part would be over. I would know who I was and the future would be a piece of cake. I actually thought the important things in life would be over as I slid into old age

  What a surprise I had in store

  I remember my 48^th birthday very clearly. My husband was just starting a business that would take us up and down and up again. He had and still has years of hard work ahead of him. I was a mother of a three-year-old son and an eleven-year-old son. A friend of my husband made a trip to Aspen every year with a group of his old buddies from college. They were about ten years younger then I. These men were all attractive, successful, international bankers and stockbrokers. A few were married. My husband’s friend was single as was one man who had just divorced. I invited the whole group to my home to celebrate my birthday. I invited my best friend; we had a lovely dinner, lots of wine and Champagne. My husband’s friend was very handsome and we often joked and flirted a bit. His divorced friend sat next to me and joked with me and asked me to run away with him to live with him in London. They all knew it was my birthday and sang to me as I blew out the eight candles on my cake. The man from London loudly announced that I was going to leave with him and live with him in London. I laughed and stated that I was married with two boys that I adored and I mentioned that I was too old for him. He said, “I am 37 we are only a year apart.” I smiled and said that I was 48… and that it was my 48^th birthday. The room went silent. All of the men just sat and stared. It was the first time in my life that I felt old. Later that night I had remembered my old ideas about turning 48. Everything was going to be calm and settled?

  I had an epiphany

  What really surprised me was that I realized nothing was settled about my life and it didn’t look like anything would be calm or easy or settled for a long time… well really … it just dawned on me that night, that life wasn’t what I had envisioned at all. Maybe, just maybe, life wouldn’t be calm or settled or comfortably finished ever??? At least my life didn’t seem to fit into the role that I had imagined it would be way, way, back when I was is my twenties.

  So much of life was ahead of me and so many very difficult life experiences were in my future that I couldn’t have predicted at twenty.   All of these were learning experiences, however, many things I couldn’t or that I didn’t know.

  THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW

  I didn’t know that I would still be married after 35 years but living as a single on my own. I didn’t know that I ever would ever be living in a high rise building in Denver, of all places? I didn’t know that I would have to work full time while raising children. I didn’t know that I would start a small business at fifty-eight with a loan from my sister for stamps and stationary and business cards. I didn’t know that I would be running a business by myself. I didn’t know that it would still be running eight years later. I didn’t know that I would be in my 60’s and writing a blog each week with “SEX “ in the title. I didn’t know that in my late fifties men, much, much younger men, would be asking me to have an affair … REALLY? I didn’t know that in my sixties people would be emailing me and sometimes explaining their personal sex lives???? I didn’t know that I would think that this is fine, normal and okay and interesting. Who would have believed that???  I didn’t know that I would still have ambition and hopes and dreams and making plans for the future. I didn’t know that at this great old age I would be talking to a friend who had just fallen in love. I didn’t know that life keeps happening and frankly isn’t over until it’s over. I didn’t know that problems and issues keep happening. I didn’t know that I am able to handle them alone. I didn’t know that I would still be happy about things that, I DIDN’T KNOW.

  Until Next Week….

  Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

• Take A Chance

  Posted at 12:42 am by istheresexaftersixty, on March 2, 2018

   

  Lately, I have noticed that it was becoming harder and harder for me to make any changes in my life. I was becoming housebound. I noticed that waking up I got in a rut of making myself a cup of coffee with cream no sugar and having a cup of plain yogurt with two teaspoons of sugar. Then I watch the news in the morning flipping between CNN and Fox to get two sides of the story. Then I check my computer and emails and often work on the computer for my property management business… while checking my Facebook account for fun. Then I shower and dress and think about the errands I must accomplish for either today or tomorrow. Clean and straighten up my apartment. Boring, boring, boring. I started postponing errands and postponing getting my hair done and nails done. Maybe it can wait till next month.

  Then one night … late at night, I couldn’t sleep thinking about how my life was passing me by and I was still just sitting in front of the computer or the television or just staring and thinking. This is fine to do every once-in-a-while but not day after day, week after week. So I decided to make a few changes… just little changes at first. I started waking up at a different hour. Made myself an egg and sausage and a piece of toast for breakfast. Stopped having my one vodka cocktail before dinner.   Bought white wine and fill a glass with ice and pour one, no, two glasses of white wine for my nightly cocktail. Bought cheese and crackers for a snack and tossed out the chips. Moved my furniture around and rolled up the carpets to show the wood floors. I decided to start this blog. I had been thinking about writing a blog for maybe??? Two years???   Do you know what forced me to finally write the blog? I started telling people that I was going to write a blog. Heck, I had to write it because I told so many people that I was going to write one. I even came up with the name. This forced me to take action.

  Sitting alone gets boring so I decided I needed to make new friends in my new city. I put a notice in my building’s community page and suggested starting a wine club where we would meet once a month. About four people answered this notice … so I decided to start the first club meeting at my apartment… and next week I am sponsoring the first wine tasting with 6 bottles of red and 6 bottles of white wine and a few trays of hors d’oeuvres and renting a bartender to help.

  Every now and then we get stuck … it is easier to do nothing than it is to do something. For me I believe it is hard to take a chance. Everything is a chance and can end up in failure or embarrassment but this is what makes life interesting and worthwhile.   Yes, it does get harder the older we get to take chances, but taking a chance at life and at love, is worth it.

  I finally moved from the country to the big city. I live alone for the first time in 35 years. I am starting AT LAST to work out on my stationary bike and since I am mentioning it here today on my blog this will force me to work out at my gym as well. Since I am telling you all about my goals … I will HAVE TO EXERCISE and I HATE TO EXERCISE. Can’t keep putting this off because I am getting older and I need to keep moving to keep the blood flowing and the mind awake. For my birthday I am starting a course on line to improve my French. I can’t keep speaking in the present tense. I need to improve speaking in the past and the future.

  I have had short hair for a long time but about a year ago I started growing my hair and now it is below my shoulders. Am I too old to have long hair…? Hey I don’t care … it is long and blond and now I wear it in a ponytail and in a braid and this summer I will wear it in a bun. BTW I am never going grey … I might be a blond until I am 99. I might stick a few flowers in my hair too…. Who knows?

  Love… well not sure if that will ever happen again, but, not saying it won’t either. Heck, some handsome stranger might just appear out of nowhere and then, maybe just maybe, I will take a chance? Who knows?

  Until Next Week…

   

   

   

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• The Good Stuff

  Posted at 12:49 am by istheresexaftersixty, on February 23, 2018

   

  Watching TV a week or so ago I heard a group of people talking about recording television programs to watch at a later date sans commercials. Once you decide to watch the program you can skip through the commercials to get to the good stuff. You see the commercials are necessary to pay for the television shows. The commercials also pay the bills and make money for the stations.

  This got me thinking about life. So most of the people reading this post are either in their late 50’s or you are over 60 years old. We have been spending most of this life in commercials.   In other words, we have been working to keep going, to keep ourselves and or our family in a home or apartment with food and clothes and small luxuries. Most of us have been working the majority of our lives. Some people have stayed home to raise a family until the children have grown and left to go out on their own. Some are single parents and work while raising the children. Some like me, have done both. I worked in-between college degrees and worked with my husband after I got married. When my first son was born I stayed at home to raise him. My second child came along and I raised him until the age of seven when I got a part-time job and later a full time job. So I’m just wondering when do we get to the good stuff?  

  I used to think … everything would be great when I got married. Then, everything will be perfect. Everything will be great when I have a baby. We will all be a happy family as soon as we have the second child to keep the first child company. All will be perfect when I pay off all of those nagging bills. When I get that new car … everything is going fine.   When I buy that house with the swimming pool then, we will be perfect. Wait until I start working out and lose those extra pounds I put on after I had the baby then life will be perfect. Work, work, wait , wait.

  Well, by now I have FINALLY figured out that there are a lot of commercials to get through to get to “THE GOOD STUFF” It’s about time. Sure there are always going to be some of that “bad stuff happening” to get to the good stuff. However, speaking for myself there is more good stuff now than there has been in the past. WHY? I think, believe it or not, that, that old saying is true. Could it be that I am finally getting older and wiser? I am my own boss for the last few years so thank God I don’t hate my boss anymore and guess what? … She really appreciates all of the hard work I do for the company. If I make a mistake she doesn’t even yell … she totally understands that I have a lot going on in my life.   The really great part of being over sixty is that you care what other people think … but really, only a tiny bit. Do I like to look my best? Sure I do, but do I fret if my outfit isn’t perfect … or my hair or makeup like I used to fret about everything when I was 25. No, I don’t. If I have an opinion I can express it. If you don’t like it or if you don’t like me … my, that’s a shame, but I really don’t care.

  I had a great dear friend for 40 years. She lives in another state however, we spoke on the phone several times a month and we would visit back and forth almost every year. Last year, she stopped speaking to me. I have no idea why. I tried and tried to find out what I did that could have upset her. I thought and thought, but I couldn’t come up with anything. I continued to call and sent her birthday and Christmas wishes. Finally, I called and asked her what happened and why she was so angry? She said, “It isn’t one thing. It is many, many things and don’t call me again.” Holy Cow, I can’t imagine why she said that … I treated her just like a sister.   That was it for me. I was and am totally confused but not upset anymore. I took all of her information off my phones and computer and used black marker to wipe her off of my address book. I was a great friend to her for 40 years. This would have struck me to the bone in my 40’s or maybe 50’s. NOT NOW! I thought it through and I was only a terrific friend to her. Fini! Finished, over. So great being over 60. Life is short and I know it now. I am saving sadness and sorrow for really, really bad stuff. I am not going to waste time being miserable anymore. Sorry I don’t have time for that.

  There is so much more “good stuff “to still be looking forward to in the future. Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Just heard, this week on television, that there is a new poll out of men and woman over 70 years of age. Looking back, they asked men and women at what age sex was the most satisfying and enjoyable for them. The majority of the men in the poll stated that 63 was the most enjoyable time for them and for woman it was 66! Surprised? I was. Not too surprised however, because so much of the pressure is over. Women can’t get pregnant. No more periods! For me the very best part of old age! Menopause is over. Body isn’t perfect, heck, so what … if you don’t like it, date someone else. Men are more comfortable with themselves as well and often they have some money in the bank and are either at the top of their profession or they are getting ready to retire. No more little kids opening the door at night or in the morning. No more babies to feed and change.

  I’m starting a wine club in my building next month. The first party is at my apartment.   Just signed up to volunteer at a children’s home. I am going to freshen up my French taking a course on line. I just knit a darling scarf and I’m on a new one. I am thinking of getting a part-time job while writing this blog and keeping my small business going. I still want to write a book and maybe a movie in the next two years. Going to start working out at the gym in my building and going to get my hair and nails done next week. Oh By THE WAY, next week I’m going to be 66!  Just saying…. In other words, this is the TIME FOR THE GOOD STUFF!!!

  Until Next Week…

   

   

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• In Celebration of Men!

  Posted at 1:43 am by istheresexaftersixty, on February 16, 2018

   

  In full disclosure, I am the mother of two boys… now men. My oldest is 29 years old and my youngest is 21 years old. I adore them and only wish I would have had more. I am a great boy’s mom.   I am the aunt of eight nephews in the USA. I have four nephews in Europe that unfortunately I haven’t seen since they were very young however, some of them have recently connected with me on Facebook. I love them all! To put this in a nut shell… I LOVE MEN always did and always will. I love short men, tall men, chubby men and thin men. I love smart men, strong men, protective men, artistic men, funny men, clever men, men with a twinkle in their eye, and yes gay men too. I love young men, middle-aged men and old men. You can learn something from every age.   I especially love men with good manners who open doors for you, who give up their seats on buses, trains and subways. Men who allow you to go first … and hold out chairs and help you on with your coat. I love men who flirt and wink and occasionally whistle. I love men’s voices… Love to hear men sing… alone or in a choir.  I know women are going to be mad at me for saying this … but I prefer men reporters and men reading the news…. let’s face it … some of the women on the news on television have the most terrible voices… especially when they decide to fight and start yelling their opinions. Okay, now don’t hate me but I love men firefighters and policemen and soldiers in uniforms. I know there are women who are firefighters and policewomen and women soldiers.   I know they are all hard working and wonderful too but this post is about men and I would prefer a man to carry me down a ladder if my building is on fire. I was mugged in my 20’s and the man choked me and hit my head against a brick wall and took money and jewelry from me. Two policemen came to my rescue…. stayed with me and checked my apartment. even looked in my closets and under my bed to make me feel secure. Forgive me policewomen (I love you too) but I am glad men came to save me.

  Let’s get this out of the way. I know there are a lot of bad men out there in our world. Men start wars, and murder and rape and hurt women and abuse women and they steal and cheat and leave their wives and children. There are men who abuse their power and attack women in every profession. We hear about this all day, everyday. What we don’t hear about are all the hard working, loving husbands and loving fathers who try to do the right thing every day and help make the world a better place.

  All of my doctors with the exception of my eye doctor have been men. As a child of four I fell (or as my mother believed. Her friend’s son pushed me down a cement basement stairway) I had a terrible compound fracture. This happened in a small town and I was rushed to a local hospital and had an operation. The surgeon was one of the most famous bone surgeons in the world. He just liked living in the same small town where he grew up. If you ever meet me… look at my right arm … it is perfect and actually looks better than my left. Wonderful doctors have taken away my pain, saved my life and saved the life of my son. They have listened to me and believed me and tried in everyway to make me and keep me healthy. Thank you.

  My Was-band had and has his faults … however, he is 61 years old and works literally day and night like a dog to pay his bills, my son’s college, he helps out my oldest son and pays my rent and basic bills. He recently came down with pneumonia and he had to fly to several countries and work and drive through the night. He had to visit a doctor here and one in Europe. He kept working and managed to keep himself and all of us going. When I had my children for the first year of their lives, he would get up at night to feed and change them so that I could sleep through the night. I won’t go into his faults and yes, they were bad but the good is very good. He always acted proud of me, how I looked, how I acted and he always used my judgment in everything from business to our home. So the good was and is very good.

  I have a brother-in-law that is the father of six children. My youngest sister was very ill for a long time. (She passed away a few years ago.) They were married less than a year after they had met. My sister was very, very pretty and sweet and funny and loving. She had many friends and her husband and children loved her. I would say her husband adored her. She was wonderful but she had some issues and of course being very ill for so long is hard on everyone, however, I never saw a man more in love with and devoted to his wife. He did everything on earth to help her to take her to the best doctors and took responsibility for 100% of her treatment. At the same time he worked as a very successful businessman, was and is a wonderful father and brother and Uncle and son. He took responsibility for his mother after his father died. I must say his love for my sister was awe-inspiring. He is another man that isn’t in the news.

  We are lucky to have a Roman, Italian in our family. My oldest sister married a tall, handsome, charming man from Rome.  They lived in Rome for the first several years of their marriage and he made my family and me feel as if Italy was our second home. He has intelligence and an easy sophistication. He makes a family dinner a party. He made our family international and a lot more fun. When I was in-between two college degrees he gave me a job. Not just any job, it was a job in a designer shop and he hired my best friend. So it was a fun job with a fun group of people. My sister and my brother-in-law have always been there to save my children and me when we needed saving. Another man you don’t read about.

  And now… to the sweet boys, now older men that I knew as a child in elementary and high school, all of you are such nice men and you were all such sweet and thoughtful children. Some of you have passed on and a few are still connected on Facebook.   Feel sorry for the poor children today who don’t live in neighborhoods and who haven’t had the privilege of playing together and growing up together as friends. Was I just lucky? I’m not sure? … All I know is that you have all grown into really wonderful men.

  I have been lucky I suppose. I really liked all of the men I dated in the past. They were all very nice, mostly successful, kind, thoughtful men. I liked all of you.   So let’s raise our glasses to men … all of the men, those good men, that have not been seen on TV or in the news lately, but have lived good lives. Cheers to you!

  Until next week…

   

   

  Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

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