Does anyone else get letters from funeral and cremation services???
My response,
I totally understand that you have to try to increase your business and all but please don’t push me. It will happen soon enough. Not ready yet. After arriving at an age somewhere over 70, it has occurred to me, I might have my last moment at any moment now. I am just letting you know that I don’t have time to die right now as I am still worrying how to pay each month’s bills, I have a son looking for work, one son who just moved, and two cats who rely on me to give them food and treats, every day while they do their best to wreck my furniture and one of them seems to enjoy to see me on my hands and knees, cleaning his throw up on my rugs, so, I would hate to disappoint them by dying at this time. Let’s put this on the back burner for now, shall we? I am quite aware that this will happen sometime in the future. This is an uncomfortable, unavoidable fact of which I am unhappily resigned. Let’s, postpone the deposit for this event, if it is alright with you.
I see you have seven funeral homes conveniently located nearby and am assuming more than one cremation spot. Tomorrow Denver is expecting floods due to dangerous thunder and lightning storms, assuming the weatherman’s correct in his prediction. If necessary, I’ll wait in line or at the very least I’ll try my best to extend my demise for a more convenient moment, so as not to put your business in a difficult situation being swamped with requests. Of course, with seven funeral homes this seems unlikely.
Well, fellows, since a lot of small businesses and restaurants in the area are closing and you have expanded to seven different spots your business seems to be booming. Therefore, I won’t worry about your demise and please wait patiently for mine. I’ll keep you in mind and informed, and I will let the family know that you could very well be in the running. But for now, good luck. I won’t add, see you soon, for obvious reasons. Why jinx it? Let’s just say Au revoir, for now.
Sincerely,
Sue Ellen Wilton Burckhart
Until Next Time…
One thought on “Answering the Funeral Service and Cremation Letter”
Will Hepburn
Hi Sue Ellen: Your post reminded me of a trucker I got a ride from in a blizzard in the early 1970s, who claimed he was so crooked that when he died they wouldn’t be able to bury him, they’d have to screw him into the ground. I imagined he saved a lot of money with that idea.
On that trip from New Jersey to Indiana, he proved he was that indeed that crooked. He siphoned fuel from other trucks in truck stops with an airplane wing tank pump hidden below his sleeper. He also cheated a repair shop out of a big bill by promising the kid who did the repair that he had a trailer full of groceries and the kid could load up his car for losing a zero off the bill. Needless to say the trucker took off and the kid got stiffed (and probably fired). He talked about other scams he pulled while popping bennies like candy. A most memorable character, right down to the pencil thin mustache.
Have fun!
Will Hepburn
Morgan Park ’66
LikeLike