When I was about 54 or 55, I was sitting at a table with about four of my best friends. At the time, we were having our monthly dinner party in one of our local restaurants. As ladies will do, after talking about our basic issues concerning, work, our family, the latest news, the conversation drifted off to relationships. Three out of four of us were essentially single. One of the four of us was in a long-time, contented, relationship, with her partner of many years. One of my friends has been single her whole life, one was divorced and then there is me… I am the one in limbo. I was married at 30 and after a whole lot of ups and downs the marriage was faltering after 20 years and died a pretty miserable death a little more than two months after our 24th anniversary.
I acquired a full-time job, within two weeks after my husband left me for greener pastures. I asked him to leave, for many good reasons that I won’t go into now, due to lack of time and frankly; I just don’t care anymore. The reasons aren’t really important. I have let the anger and sadness go. I am no longer angry or upset. It is over. It is so, so, so, great, not to hold onto anger or disappointment or hurt. I let it all go and so I’m free to be worried or upset or hurt by other things. I am telling you this so that you may see how far I have come in the last several years. Sure, I am a “Zen-like” person, but I haven’t changed… now I am hysterical about a whole new group of other things.
Am I still hurt by men? DUH??? Sure, hey, I am an enlightened person but not THAT enlightened. In the last month my feelings were hurt and believe me he wasn’t worth it … the only difference is that after 60, everything … even death … (well, not all death, but some people’s, death, like people that you never really liked, their death, or, like the guy that hurt you… his death) is a breeze! See how enlightened I am??? Almost everything is easier to get over after 60. Did I mention, lemon cake, or pasta, or lots of wine, or one to three, martinis before dinner??? NO? Well, any of those things also help a lot to get you to that enlightened Zen-like place as well.
Some people believe in jogging or taking long walks or yoga classes, to feel better. Okay, if you want to be popular with the “In Crowd” in Hollywood. I can pretend to be like them too. I wear my yoga outfit to pick up my mail in the lobby of my building with my hair in a ponytail. I look tired … like I just finished Pilates, with my personal instructor. I can fool the best of them. If someone comes for a visit to my apartment, I make sure to dust my stationary bike, first, then, I wipe my forehead as my guest enters my apartment and I make sure to leave my Nike, (Air Force 1 Shadow Shoes) right next to the front door. I dirty the shoes just in case someone notices that they haven’t been worn.
Well, back to my dinner with my friends (in case you forgot; that was where I left off, after the first paragraph in this post) … At this very dinner party with my girlfriends, I made an announcement. Everyone was talking about their boyfriend problems and their possible dates and I was nodding my head as I usually do when I listen to my friend’s conversations. When I blurted out, “I want to have sex before I die!!! “ This stopped the conversation at once, as one might imagine. Everyone stared at me and started to talk at once. I think it is because I am so very motherly looking and acting. People don’t think of me as a sexual person. It’s there. It is hidden behind a very sickeningly, not sexy, but sort of sweet, older, face. Hardly anyone suspects a real sexual person might be trying to escape.
I used to live in what was a famous but very small town.
Somehow the word got out about my conversation with my friends. Who would have thought?? All of a sudden, men, some young men, some younger brothers, of young men, lots of married men, seemed to come out of the woodwork. Men would arrive at my house to lend a hand. Men were offering to “tote that barge and lift that bale” for me, all out of the blue. It is amazing what men will do for you just in case they might have an opportunity to have a quickie. Did I mention married men? I was very attractive to married men. Were any one of these men interested in anything except a quick affair? NO! One man even told me that he was only interested in one time. He wanted me one time and that was it.
The whole experience was amusing to me. I was totally unaware that I even had a hint of sexual appeal. If you have been in a bad marriage for a while and if you just spend your time working, being a conscientious mother, pet owner, and friend, one forgets that one has anything that anyone would want? It was amusing and sort of flattering. I walked with a quicker step. I know that I have written about this one man’s view of my possible future, before, however, a good line is worth repeating. One very handsome, young, man looked me in the eye and said, “You know, men will stop looking at you in a few years.” In other words, I better get right to it, now, while there was still time. (LOL) I love that line because I had no idea anyone had been looking at me for the last ten years!
I am still here, yes, older and probably not too much wiser. I didn’t fall in love. I wasn’t wild or carefree then and I am not very wild or carefree now. I just adore all of the courageous, sexually, adventurous, friends, throughout my life, that are not deterred by possible embarrassment or the pain that often might accompany the loss of love. I am totally for sex and fun and excitement and adventure. Somewhere is there still that sexual tiger clawing to get out? Is there such a woman inside, after one reaches, plus 60? Who knows? I guess where there is life there is hope.
Until Next Week…
Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60) 