You have heard it I am sure. Just get back in the saddle. Doesn’t everyone always tell you that? Heck, (they say… whoever, they might be) it’s like riding a bike. What? What is like riding a bike? Personally … right now that I am over sixty and BTW, being my very clumsy self, I am not going to go outside these days to ride a bike. I do have a stationary bike in my office that is staring at me right at this very minute. He, (yes,) I call it a he, because when I do manage to haul myself onto the bike… I ride him. (Just to remind you that this blog is supposed to be about sex … so every once-in-a-while I must add some sexual imagery to keep your interest) I have decided to call my bike Gerald. I named him Gerald because I don’t think I know anyone that I can think of … by the name of Gerald. Gerald just sits in my office and he glares at me while I am looking at Facebook. Gerald makes me very uncomfortable when I am checking my emails. He shoots darts in my direction. He hasn’t had me riding him for a long time. I can feel his fixed stare when I am doing my invoices and making my work schedules with my back to him. I used to keep him in my bedroom. I often hung damp clothes or towels on him to air dry. This made him so mad that one night while walking past him before going to bed he tripped me. I fell over him and bruised my arm and leg and knee and, as is very normal for me, … I broke a toe. Gerald will stop at nothing to get my attention. So finally, after several months of doing my very best to ignore him I recently pushed him out from the sidewall and I am considering climbing on him once more. He doesn’t know what happened to me in the last few months since we really weren’t talking.
You see it started with a fall that I had in my bathroom and I broke my nose, then I had an incident where I went to the hospital… recovered from that and then something happened (sorry I can’t tell you about this one because my lawyers won’t let me) and I broke my foot and damaged my knee and I was in the hospital for 3 days and rehab 3 days. I couldn’t walk for over three months and still walk with a limp. I didn’t tell any of this to Gerald because you see he wouldn’t believe me anyway and he won’t care. Who would???
A week and a half ago right before I decided I was well enough to get back in the saddle, my cat tripped me as I was carrying a second piece of lemon cake into the living room with a glass of milk. It was Mother’s Day and I thought, just this once I could get away with having a second piece of cake. Listen, I only have cake about four times a year. I thought I was entitled to have a second piece of cake. I fell, of course, over the cat, and bruised both knees and, yes, once again I broke a toe. My belief is that Gerald had a conference with Cleaver, my cat and he told him to trip me so that I wouldn’t have that second piece of lemon cake. Well, his little sneaky trick worked.
Today, about 11 days after this fall, my two feet feel well enough to push his pedals and move back and forth on top of Gerald. We either listen to music during our workout or sometimes we listen to books … together we have enjoyed a very good mystery and a few very good self-help books. Gerald is very fond of the late author Wayne Dyer. He likes to listen to Frank Sinatra too. While sitting on top of Gerald I usually take a book in each hand and slowly move my arms up and down. He doesn’t mind as long as I keep riding him. Since I have taken a very long brake from our daily workout I decided to take it slow. So we started out with a 20-minute tryst. He didn’t seem to mind as long as I took it long and slow. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about him after such a long time ignoring him. I have got to admit it wasn’t how I remembered. I became slightly bored but as I kept pushing through the boredom and as I kept up the momentum I started to get that old feeling back. Here we are just Gerald and I, together, trying to make the most of our workout. As I started to slow down and then as we finally came to a stop, we just sat still for a moment taking it all in. We are back together again. I don’t think he minds that I put some grocery bags on him tonight. I will try to work my way back to 45 minutes once a day five days a week. It won’t be easy. Not sure he is aware that I am over 60. He doesn’t seem to care. I am a little worried however, because he really doesn’t care who rides him. Gerald isn’t monogamous. Any man or woman can ride him as long as they aren’t too heavy. I have seen women and men glance at him while walking past my office.
Don’t tell Gerald but I just found out that I am supposed to switch out my workouts to get the most benefit. There is a treadmill in the gym that has caught my eye and a few machines to strengthen my arms and legs. They are starting to call out to me. There isn’t anything as invigorating as trying out some new moves. There is a brand new treadmill in the gym. I have decided to call him Herbert. I have heard that Herbert likes it when you walk all over him. So don’t tell Gerald, I don’t want to upset him… he might try to trip me when I least expect it. I better keep my eyes open when tiptoeing around my office at night. I’m sort of excited to try something new. Hey, we all need a little variety, right? I have spent most of my life as a one-stationary-bike woman, but that is all about to change. I will try not to throw caution to the wind. I’ll take it slow. Maybe just three times a week starting out. We will see. You all know that I was talking about my new workout, Right??? What else could I be talking about anyway?
Until Next Week…