Litmus Test, Definition: “a test in which a single factor (such as an attitude, event, or fact) is decisive. Often it refers to something that can be used to make a judgment about whether someone or something is acceptable or not.“ {Merriam Webster: Word of the Day March 27, 2019.}
Looking at my life, in the past, the present and the future, how great would it be if you could just dab a little piece of paper on a person, or a job or a decision and voila, if the paper turned red you would stop right there and not go any further… not one step further… you could just make a U-turn and go in the opposite direction? Whew, avoided that possible future mistake or tragedy. Don’t look in that direction … turn your head, go back and start over. STOP, the strip turned RED!
Conversely, if the strip of paper turned green you would get the go ahead… don’t stop, don’t slow down, don’t hesitate, don’t pause, keep your foot on the gas and by all means keep going. You are in the right direction kiddo so drive on down that road, as it is the right road for you. GREEN, so go, go, and go!
How do we know what we are doing or what decisions we are making are the right decisions? I know some people rely on religion and prayers, and some people rely on other’s advice, or do you weigh a decision on facts or on your gut feelings? There have been a few times in my life where something felt wrong, wrong, wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on why it felt so wrong but I knew it was wrong and I had to make an unusual decision that didn’t really make any sense at all to anyone but me.
My first two years of college I went to a college a very small college in Iowa. I liked it a lot but after two years I knew I had to leave. I got it into my head that I had to go to school in Paris, France. Why? I don’t know why? Then, in the summer I went with a friend to a convention in Chicago and of all things a psychic walked up to me and said that I was going to go to a college in Paris and the name of the school began with S. About a week later I walked into the office of a representative from France who was located in Chicago. The woman was on the phone and when she finally stopped talking I asked if there were any colleges in Paris where I might get a B.A. degree. The woman was French and from Paris. She acted infuriated by me and with my question. She literally threw a catalog at my feet. I picked the catalog up off of the floor as I hurried out of her office. The college was an international college located in several wonderful cities, London, Paris, Madrid and Salzburg. The name of this college began with an S. Was it the right decision? Yes, it was one of the best decisions that I ever made in my life. Paris was heavenly. I was young and single and on my own, having the time of my life in Paris, France.
After I spent one year in Paris I moved on to London, same college, different city. I loved many things about living in London; however, I decided to spend my senior year back in the U.S. A. at a pretty large University in the Midwest. I knew from my taxi ride to the college from the airport that this move was a huge mistake. I sat in my new dorm room and planned my escape. I knew one thing for sure. I didn’t belong here. So I got on the phone and told my parents that I had changed my mind. I called the moving company that was sending my trunk to my college and told them that they needed to send it to London. I finished my senior year in London. Why? I am not sure, but it felt right. I graduated with a double major in World History and English Literature. It was very difficult but worth it. I read a lot, I wrote a lot and learned a lot. Now, as I have mentioned in the past, I make a charming guest at any dinner party in the U.S.A. or abroad, however, this hasn’t produced too many financial benefits. Still, for me, these were the right decisions.
Now when I met my husband were there any red flags??? Did the Litmus Test work? I’m not sure? I do remember, when I met him…. at the bar at Lowes Hotel in Monte Carlo, we talked to each other like old friends. We didn’t flirt. I remember that I felt comfortable. I wasn’t madly in love, not excited, I felt comfortable. He left with his two friends and I remember thinking that it was odd because I felt as if I was going to know him for a long period of time. It was just a feeling. To make a long story a bit longer, about an hour later my “was-band” came back looking for me. He asked me to go on a date to take helicopter ride the very next day. We went out and he asked me if I would like to move to Monaco and live there. A year and a half later we were married. Was it a mistake? No, I can’t say that it was a mistake. It was an experience, a lot of hard times and lots of worries and problems but some of married life was good, some of it was very good and some of married life was fun. I learned how really strong and tough I am. Looking back our whole married life was sort of like a helicopter ride, beautiful, scary, and bumpy with some great views. Still it is nice at the end of the ride to get off and step on land again.
Back to my Litmus Tests. Maybe we have our own Litmus tests inside of us. Maybe we know somewhere in the back of our mind or maybe in the back of our soul what we are supposed to do and we just head in that direction anyway. I know that I have had some fascinating experiences in my life and frankly I wouldn’t take most of them back for anything. Thank heavens that I became a mother of two kind, loving and very wonderful boys. Maybe we have been heading in the right direction all along but we just didn’t know it?
Until Next Week…
Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60) 