Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

Really?  Who knew?  I mean when you were a kid did you ever think that people over fifty ever, ever, had sex?  Let’s say you were a very precocious child and maybe you knew that sex might happen to famous actors or singers with a lot of money but seniors, average seniors? No, never!

Honestly, I believe I have mentioned this before but as a young woman in my twenties I remember thinking that when I reached 48 that my whole life would have been figured out and well … really just about over.  Boy, oh boy, oh boy, was I wrong: at least where my life is concerned.   (KEEP READING THERE IS ACTUALLY SOME SEX AT THE END OF THIS POST.   IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY SO I HAD TO ADD SOME SEX, RIGHT?)

All right, I must admit I see a lot of very happy, retired; very comfortable couples on my Facebook. Lots of these couples come from my old hometown, Chicago.  What is it about Chicago and even the South Side of Chicago that created so many long, happy, marriages?  One thing that I have noticed is that Chicagoans, who marry other Chicagoans or people that they have known since childhood seem to last until, well, …. “happily ever after.”  I think I know why.  Chicagoans are a very down to earth group of savvy, but still Midwestern minded, people. We are a hardworking bunch, who work and work and save and keep on keeping on.  Chicagoans are no-nonsense types.  So perhaps, these couples knew each other and liked each other and they never questioned their choices because they knew they were the right choice? This, when it happens, is absolutely wonderful, in my view.  I applaud your life choices because they were the right choices.

Then there are a few of us that didn’t do what was expected.  We looked out of our windows in our South Side Chicago bedrooms that looked into the bedroom of our neighbor’s next door with blinds shut, and we dreamed of taking a ship across the ocean to find love, excitement and adventure and to get away. Some of us got married and divorced, or widowed or never married or as in my case separated for several years and now we are singles BUT …. and here is the interesting part of the But (excuse the expression).…. We aren’t just singles, we are SENIORS and SINGLE. Lot’s of us really don’t look like or act like everyone’s images of the grandmothers and the grandfathers that we had known as children.  So what are we to do now; give up?  I am not ready to sit in the corner and crochet.  I don’t know how to crochet.  I don’t have any grandchildren and who knows; I might not ever have any grandchildren?

Yes, I had a few dates in the last year and they were nice men.  They are both from out-of-town and both men asked to see me again.  Maybe I will go however, don’t we all think that if the spark isn’t there well, is it worth it to keep trying for something that isn’t there in the beginning?  If my mother were still with us, I can hear her voice loud and clear.  She would say, ”Just go out with them.  You never know whom they might know.  Maybe you will meet someone through them? You won’t meet someone sitting in your apartment!”

I have met a man or two on-line in the last year  and they are very nice and very interesting men. Seems like there are some very nice sparks too.  Since it is Valentine’s Day I will say something. Thanks, for the attention. There is nothing better than getting attention from someone.  It is nice to feel special.  Both of you have made me feel special in different ways.  I enjoy your texts and your jokes and your compliments and our phone conversations.  To my other new very brilliant friend; thank you for the wonderful treat of making me feel like a very special, important, person.

So is there a sex life for the single senior?  Yes, it exists.

“You can be sexual as long as you want to be,” says Lonnie Barbach, PhD, a clinical psychologist, author of The Pause: Positive Approaches to Menopause and Periomenopause,and co-founder of Happy Couple, an app designed to help couples grow closer. “It has nothing to do with how young you are; it has to do with your relationship and the person you’re with.” If you have a history of enjoying sex, there’s no reason to believe that will suddenly change because you have grey hair and an AARP membership.

Sex when you’re young is sometimes frantic, explosive, and athletic. As your body slows down, sex can soften and change into more of a slow burn, but it can still be just as hot. “It’s not about how often you have sex and it’s not about how many positions you can be in. It’s really about sexual pleasure, and your relationship and connection you have with your partner,” says Barbach. When you’re less concerned about your sex stats and more focused on good communication, you’ll have just as much pleasure and passion as you did when you were young. It may just look different than it used to.”

Here are some positions the over 60 partners are supposed to try.  Am I advocating these positions? No, only if you are comfortable and in the mood, I guess.

The Missionary Position.   *(My interjection, most of you might know all of these however, it is a good reminder to keep everything interesting as we age.)

Spooning ,  * (Like two spoons )

Doggy Style

Standing in the shower* (I personally have never tried this one and so far I like to do this alone.  Who knows what one might be willing to try after a martini or two?)

Seated Lotus   (Now this is really sad and really funny..  I can’t remember if I did this or not? Probably possible, since I was married and you know …. active for most of our years together.  It seems familiar. LOL)

So ladies and gentlemen, it’s not over until it’s over.  If we are still breathing, the good news is that there can be sex after 60, 70, 80… and 90.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK …