Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60)

There is a fellow I met through my blog many months ago. He has become a friend although we have never met in person. He sends me funny jokes and occasionally poems and songs and pictures that I might find interesting. He will call me every once-in-a-while to say hello. He actually has even given me over-the-phone lessons on a subject or two that for some reason, I am sadly lacking even rudimentary knowledge of. Yes, he is a nice, normal, man and single so he occasionally flirts and yes, I guess, I occasionally flirt back. This has been fun and having a new friend has added a nice new little spark to my everyday life.  Lately,  I wasn’t hearing from him as often as I had in the past and I actually was slightly concerned.

He isn’t a complainer. He is a cheerful man. Therefore, the next time we spoke on the phone I hinted that maybe something was wrong. He did explain that his life is full and busy and yes, he has a lot of things going on in his life.  I felt relieved that he was okay but then he said, “You know you are not the most important person in my life.”   This statement actually felt like a slap in the face. It must have seemed like that to him too because then he added, ”just like, I am not the most important person in your life.” Both statements are true. All of a sudden I felt a sad feeling that felt familiar. I realized that, that was the feeling that I couldn’t put into words.   This was the feeling that I had been sort of pushing back to the back of my mind for the last year. I had stopped being the most important person in anyone’s life. This actually has nothing to do with my friend at all. He was my friend and he still is my friend. However, this feeling I had for a while, was finally put into words.

I separated from my husband and moved about this time last year.   Actually, my old life as a full-time wife and mother and pet owner had complexly changed. This move has been a big change for me, from being everything to everybody for over 36 years to being on my own. Even as a single woman in my twenties I know my mother and father and sisters depended on me for many different reasons. I had dear very close friends that I saw constantly.   In my twenties I fell in love three times. The third time was a charm and I married and six years later had my first son … almost eight years to the day I had my second son. Therefore, to a lot of these human’s, on and off, I was the most important person in their lives and they were the most important people in my life. Time passes and my best friend passed away. I still miss him. My mother passed away. My little sister passed away and then a year later my father was gone. One year after that, I moved alone to my present apartment. Now, don’t get me wrong. I chose to move and was planning on this move for at least a year. I love my apartment and I always loved my solitude… I loved being single in my twenties and I enjoy being single now. Still it was a shock to realize that yes, now I am probably not the most important person to any one person alive. Okay, maybe I still am the most important person to my two children … just for the time being, until they meet that special person. As adults they really have other things to concentrate on such as their, college life, their jobs, and friends and their future. That is how it should be and these facts are facts and life moves on and sometimes it is without you. I understand. It was simply a shock to have to face the fact that, for this time in my life, I am not someone’s most important person. 

If you are happily married you are your spouses’ most important person.  If you have small children you are, of course, their most important person. If you have parents you are their most important person. Heck, even if you are a dog owner you are your pet’s most important person.

I finally made a realization that this fact isn’t really important at all. Everyone in my life has a clear and important place in my life. My friends are all important to me for their particular type of friendships. Okay my children do come first for me and always will, as will perhaps, the possible grandchildren that I may have in the future. My men friends old and new and my wonderful girlfriends (yes, even though we are in our fifties, sixties and beyond we still call each other “girlfriends”) are very important in all of their special ways. Heck, I have even had two men friends, from my past, that I have come to visit me this year and yes, I was flattered and both evenings, I had a nice time.

Things change and life changes and I keep learning lessons. I just learned a lesson. I don’t have to be THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in anyone’s life anymore. This is a time in my life that I CAN BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY OWN LIFE. I can finally think about me and what makes me happy and who makes me happy. I can actually be selfish and I don’t have to feel guilty about being wholly important to me!!! I am going to keep riding my stationary bike and I will add going to the gym because it is good for me. I will however, buy myself some sparkling wine because I like it. I’m not going to make dinner tonight because I don’t feel like it. I’m going to binge watch my favorite show on Netflix because I am the most important person in my life.

Until Next Week…