This last week I posted a question on my Facebook page asking my friends if they believed in love at first sight. The majority answered yes while a few admitted to lust at first sight and one or two people mentioned an attraction at first sight. What is attraction? How does it work exactly? How can someone just look your way and feel instant love? I admit it did happen to me once in my life. My very good friend set me up on a date with a very, bright, young, European man with a very prestigious successful career. I understand why she thought we would be the perfect pair; he was exactly the kind of man who I would have picked out for myself. So one lovely summer evening my friend and her boyfriend double dated with this very interesting charming man and myself. I even remember what I wore … a new white cotton summer dress with white ruffles. We all had a lovely time. In everyone’s estimation this would have been considered a perfect evening and a very successful first date. At the end of the evening my friend’s boy friend was driving and he dropped off my date in front of his place of business, as my date had a job that often kept him busy at odd hours. The windows of the car were down and before my date left the car a man walked up to the car, (he was a friend of my date), and this fellow stuck his head in the car’s open window. Smiling, he greeted all of us with a happy hearty, hello, while asking what we were all doing together? He introduced himself to us. The second I looked up at him it was like a bolt of lightning hit me. I can honestly say it was love at first sight. It is a complicated story and we did end up having a strong relationship. I won’t go into the whole story but for me it was absolutely love at first sight. How does this happen? Do we have an image somewhere in the back of our minds that comes to the forefront when we meet that certain someone? Is it Kismet? When this instant attraction occurs how do we know we will like everything that goes with this instant feeling? The truth is that I knew immediately I would like everything about him just listening to his first hello. Yes, just like in the movie … “he had me at hello.”
Isn’t this a marvelous mystery? How does attraction work? Don’t you know people who really are deeply in love and you look at them and you think to yourself, “What on earth does he see in her?” Hasn’t everyone know a couple that absolutely seem wrong for each other and yet this man or this woman sees something in their partner that no one else can see. Isn’t that grand?
There has been several times in life that perhaps you have felt an attraction to someone when first meeting him or her. Usually, we are attracted to someone’s look or to his or her general appearance. When getting to know them this feeling grows, sometimes into love. Then there are people you meet who are very attractive however, as time goes on and you get to know them they become less and less attractive. How does this attraction thing work? How does it come about? I can remember even as a small child I had must have had an image of someone I liked. My parents had a very nice single, cute, friend. This man came over to our home quite often. He was very clever, very funny and well, just a likeable man. I loved being around him. He had dark hair and glasses. When he got married and I was a little girl at the time, maybe just four years old. I remember feeling jealous of his wife. Years later as an adult I met him with his wife at a party my father was hosting. I still liked him and enjoyed our conversation. I realized at that moment that my boyfriend, at the time, actually reminded me of this man, from my childhood. Is that why I was dating my boyfriend who BTW was quite a bit older? Was it because he looked like the friend of my parents? Somehow I had a male image and was trying to copy this image, as an adult?
A few years ago my very good friend and I were discussing the mystery of attraction. There was a man who was very interested in me which really came as a huge shock to me. After hitting the grand old age of 55 I actually thought that any attraction for anyone and any person’s attraction to me was officially over. Never even considered the prospect of a relationship. A tall, young, handsome man was flirting with me. Why me? How could this man be interested in me? My friend talking about attraction said, “Don’t you know a person’s looks has nothing to do with it?” Is that true? Is it something else? Is it chemistry?
My “was-husband” always told the same story about our meeting. I was in Monaco, my friend was a tour guide on a gambling junket and she chose me as her helper because I spoke French and understood a bit of Italian. We were having Champagne at the bar in Lowes Hotel. I was standing with my back to my future husband. I remember that I was wearing a beige silk blouse with pearl buttons down the back. It had a high neck with a ruffle around the neck. I was wearing a long mid-length skirt. My hair was a bit below my shoulders. My husband’s friend knew my friend from a previous junket. My husband asked to be introduced to me. My ‘was-band” still tells people that he fell instantly in love with the back of my head. He asked me to marry him on our second meeting.
Just yesterday, I was shopping in my local grocery store. Unfortunately, as a single woman who moved to the big city just one year ago and the fact that I work out of my apartment, the only people I tend to meet are in the grocery store. A nice looking man gave me a surprised glance. You know that glance, it is maybe more than just a glance, and it lasts a bit longer than a normal glance. I noticed him noticing me a few more times. Next, we were both standing in front of the vegetable section and we were both about to grab the same head of lettuce. He took it and handed it to me and smiled. He asked me if I chose it because it was the smallest … I said, yes. (the thing is, a head of lettuce is $.99, it doesn’t matter how big or small it is … it is still 99 cents) He said that is why he was going to pick that one up too. So, I thought to myself, we are both single. Was there an attraction there? I think so, or at least, I would like to think so. Guess it isn’t over until it’s over. There is someone else I am attracted to, however, I’m going to keep that a mystery. Thank Goodness, the mystery continues.
Until Next Week…
Is There Sex After 60? (Navigating Single Life After 60) 