Definition of “Wasband” A husband that was. Or…. a husband that you are still married to but the passion is gone. Sometimes you still live together for convenience sake and or for the kids or for financial reasons. Sometimes the husband may have gone out to buy groceries or wine or cigarettes and he just never comes back. (As was the case of a woman I met with three small children who was selling her home. She is also the woman who coined the phrase … “my was-band”) I am sorry that I don’t remember her name however; I remember her wit and intelligence. I also learned a lesson from her. She had three small children and a husband that left her and her children. She was selling her home and still was clever and funny enough to come up with the perfect name for her husband that … was.
I was married on October 23, 1982. Met my husband in Monaco. Yes, that Monaco… the Principality of Monaco. Princess Grace was still alive and well and running things beautifully for the tiny Principality. My husband (to be) was 23 years old and a racecar driver. I met him while standing at a bar at Lowes Hotel drinking my favorite drink, honest to goodness, French Champagne. I love France and France Cuisine and French style, French Art and yes Frenchmen. He was with another (now rather famous) English racecar driver and a man who sold Rolls Royce’s to very wealthy ladies and gentlemen. My girlfriend, Jane, (not her real name) was in charge of a gambling junket. Jane worked for a tourist company that took groups of big spenders who like to gamble their money away in glamorous spots. I got to come along for a free trip on my spring break while working on my second degree at Loyola University in Chicago. Jane worked this out with her boss because I spoke French and understood a little conversational Italian. I was offered free airfare, free hotel and free food and free French Champagne, for a week in Monaco and day trips to Italy. My Wasband to be, and his friend asked us out for dancing and drinks. We went. It was a nice evening. We said goodbye and my Wasband asked us both out to see the Palace in Monaco the next day. To make a long story short… the very next day we saw the Palace and went out for lunch. My racecar driver asked me if I would like to live in Monaco. He actually hinted at marriage that very day. Two years later, we were married in a gorgeous chapel in 4th Presbyterian Church on Michigan Avenue in Chicago with 89 of my friends and family and 10 French friends and family representing my husband’s side of the family and one English Racecar driver. My husband and I lived in France and then Monaco for several years when I became pregnant with my first-born son we moved back to Chicago. I worked in my husband’s business for 6 years.
Marriage was good and bad. Like most marriages, ours had good times that were very good and hard times that were very hard. We had two boys that we both love. I won’t go into more of the details. It didn’t work.
What I miss about marriage. I miss having someone to go to dinner with. I miss having someone to travel with. I miss having someone that likes to take pictures of me, while on vacation. I miss getting dressed up, hair, make-up, new outfit, and having someone say how nice I look. I miss having someone there that has your back when the rest of the world has let you down. Sex … yes, I miss sex with someone who knows you, cares if you live or die and someone who you are totally comfortable with. (Yes, I know you shouldn’t end a sentence with, with, but this is my blog so I don’t care.) I have cold feet and always did and I miss having a warm person that I can place my cold feet on to warm them.
Do I want sex, just to have sex? Actually, a few years ago I thought I did. A handsome, married, much younger, man tried very hard to have an affair. When a very, tall handsome man who spends his time flirting, helping out, moved me from one house to another twice…. young (did I say tall and handsome? Yes, I’ll say it again. Very tall and very handsome) and wealthy and he tries and tries again. He tried for about two years. It was hard to say no and let’s say I came very close more than once, but, I couldn’t … He was married and I liked him but I knew it was only for sex and sex alone. I was interested and attracted but not in love. It didn’t feel right. I will say this again too… he was married.
So, at last I mentioned sex … sometimes I will in this blog. So keep reading. Will I have sex again in the future? I don’t know … how many women over 60 are fighting men off? I know some of my fiends have healthy sex lives. I know I really have to like someone and enjoy talking to him and feel a mutual connection before I even want to have dinner with a man. Frankly, that connection doesn’t happen very often. In the last 35 years of marriage I met only five men that I felt there was a mutual connection … yes, on both sides … didn’t act on it because I was married.
If anyone wants to tell me your stories or give me your ideas and views on life and or love or being single after 60 you can always send me an email or a message on Facebook. Just add that you want to be anonymous. We can discuss without using correct names. See you next Thursday!
2 thoughts on “The Was-band”
I love this article but what I love most is the feeling of independence it partakes to every single woman who reads it. Yes we miss the feeling of someone who will be there for us. But we can live by ourselves if we really try what happiness can give to a single gal. If there’s someone for us out there then we will give all the love that he deserves.
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She was set for money: both times, it appears. Most of us are not. Like her, It seems there are no family ties to deal with. Hers is a lovely tale of a 1930’s or 40’s. Am I wrong???!!