Lately, I have been going over my past in my mind. I believe it has to do with my present age. My eyesight is pretty good, and I can still hear a pin drop or my cat coughing up a fur ball in the next room. I can walk and talk and read and remember. This might not always be the case, and sometime in the future, my life will end. Therefore, I am questioning my life and my past. What is my purpose in life? Have I lived my life without a purpose or a passion? Have I done any good at all with what could be called my God-given talents? Do I possess any God-given talent?
As a child, I wanted to be Miss America. While wearing a crown, I pretended to walk down a stage with a sash across my chest. After that, I wanted to be a ballet dancer, primarily because of the costumes they wore. In my early teens, I wanted to be Paul McCartney’s wife. Then, in my 20s, I wanted to be a Broadway star. I got a part in a play in London, The Taming of the Shrew. I stood backstage watching the play and was so engrossed that I forgot to enter on my cue, thus ending my stage career.
I returned to college after graduating in Europe with a BA in World History and English Lit; I got my second degree in Communications. I was one of two students chosen for an internship at CBS. It was a chance of a lifetime. We did not just get coffee for the hosts; we got to produce one to three weekly segments for the program. I felt like I died and gone to heaven. I would look at the clock in the morning and then look at it again, and it was 6 PM. Time flew by. I worked with funny, brilliant, kind, thoughtful, and hard-working people. It was one of the happiest times of my life. I found my place and fit in perfectly in this position. I instinctively knew what to do and was praised for my work. The hosts complimented me on my work. As interns, we had to think up our segments, contact the guests, do the research, write the intros and exits, and write the questions for the host. Then, we shared our research and slant on the segment with the different hosts. When our head producer went on vacation, I was chosen to produce the whole show. I was happy, and I felt that I mattered.
Not long after the internship ended and I graduated with my second degree in Communication, I met my future French husband. We married and moved to France. I worked in his perfume and cosmetics company, designing perfumes, bottles, boxes, and ads and writing all the advertising and marketing booklets. This position added to my creative strengths. Creating something beautiful from nothing was quite exhilarating.
Sometime later, I became pregnant with my son, and we moved back to the USA to my hometown, Chicago. My husband changed his job plans for our future. I concentrated on raising my son. We moved to Colorado, where my second son was born. I loved being a mom and raising my two boys.
Our marriage hit several rough spots. I was separated, a single mom with two boys, two cats, and a dog. Three weeks after the separation, I found a full-time job, making my life difficult and hectic, to say the least. I worked for a property management company for four years. When the higher-ups refused to add any of my suggestions to improve the company, I quit and started my own Property Management Company. My previous company closed its doors within a month of my departure, proving me right.
It was a one-woman show. As the proprietor of my new company, I was in charge of everything from advertising to hiring, firing, and scheduling. I was also the finance director and customer service manager. I handled the billing and wrote and sent the checks to my employees. My oldest son did my taxes every year.
At 70 years old, having moved to another city, it became too challenging to manage my business remotely. I paid my bills and my employees and told my clients I was leaving and retiring.
I have been retired for about two years and write this blog for my own amusement, leading me back to where I started. Did any of this matter at all? Did anything I did in the past help anyone or anything? Did I use my talents to do anything of value to anyone’s life or the world? I really do not know. Maybe just little things, and maybe that is all anyone can do, but try your best and keep your family and friends happy. Maybe it is just remembering people on their birthday and sending flowers when they are ill or just trying to keep all those balls in the air while putting food on the table. Hold a door open when someone is behind you; make someone laugh. Maybe it is just all the little things that matter. There will not be a documentary about me; a movie about my life isn’t in the works. No one is writing a book about me. Maybe that doesn’t matter at all. Maybe it’s all of the little things that add up over our lifetime that make us worthwhile or not. At least, I hope so. Until Next Time …
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